


Sweet Like Candy

by richie_toto



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Anorexia, Friends to Lovers, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Multi, No Smut, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, This will make you cry, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richie_toto/pseuds/richie_toto
Summary: Hi! This is my first work in this fandom, and it's been a while since I've wrote anything so please don't be mean :( This story will be very angsty, and it kinda switches from happy to angsty every so often so prepare for an emotional whirlwind! This entire thing is very triggering but I'm using it as a way to cope with my own stuff. Tanks for reading!Trigger warning: Anorexia
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first work in this fandom, and it's been a while since I've wrote anything so please don't be mean :( This story will be very angsty, and it kinda switches from happy to angsty every so often so prepare for an emotional whirlwind! This entire thing is very triggering but I'm using it as a way to cope with my own stuff. Tanks for reading!
> 
> Trigger warning: Anorexia

Richie Tozier was skinny. Far too skinny for it not to be concerning. However, hiding himself under baggy band tees and ridiculous Hawaiian shirts always manage to fill up the space his body should take up. While he got decent grades in school, most people would say he wasn't the smartest. He was smart enough to know what to tell people when they would be able to put their index finger and thumb around his wrist with a disturbing amount of room to spare. "Oh, it's all the exercise I get from fucking your mom!" This would often be followed up with a "Beep beep, Richie." He was the funny one of the group. If there was ever a situation that needed a laugh he would be there. If there was a situation where it would be uncalled for, he was there too.

No one really payed much attention to him- not enough to notice the way the fabric of his shirts hung loosely from his skeletal frame. 16 year old boys were supposed to be hungry. All the time. They were also supposed to fill up their stomach with enough food to settle the cries that would chant "I'm hungry, feed me!" until you gave in. Richie was not one of these boys. It was easy enough to hide it from his parents. He had learned fro experience over the years how to keep them in the dark about his problems. It wasn't that they didn't care about him, they jst didn't understand him.

Hiding it from his friends was hard. They cared about him a lot, not that they'd ever actually say that to him- his ego would simply get too big for them to handle. Perhaps if they knew what the raven-haired boy was really going through things would be different. They didn't, so things continually got worse and worse as the years went on without anyone realising. That is, until Eddie Kaspbrak showed up one morning.

Richie had been minding his own business as quietly as he could, absentmindedly drumming his fingers on the wooden desk when a short, extremely cute, brown haired boy walked into the class. He was wearing a pink polo shirt with shorts that looked way too small, even on the vertically challenged boy. His eyes gave off the impression that he was scared. They were open just a little too wide and they were furiously glancing around the room as if to look for a place to hide. "You must be Edward Kaspbrak," their teacher said, shifting his glasses to get a better look at him.

"I prefer Eddie, actually." God, this kid has the voice of an angel, Richie thought, before shoving the thought deep down into the vaults of his mind.

"Right. Eddie. Well, there is only one seat left. It's in the back, I'm afraid." Eddie simply nodded and looked to the back of the classroom to the empty seat right next to a boy with the craziest set of black curls he had ever seen, and perhaps the most ridiculous glasses. Eddie could see his eyes from the front of the class. They both made eye contact and Eddie could have sworn he saw a light pink tint the other boy's cheeks before he ripped his eyes away and resumed tapping on his desk. Eddie began to walk when a leg tripped him. His face would have collided directly onto the hard floors had it not been for his reflexes which shove his arm to protect him. It made an awkward crack as he landed. Everyone in the class started laughing. Everyone except for Richie, but Eddie was too focused on hiding his eyes away from any predatory stares of his classmates to notice.

"Alright, that's enough. Settle down. Eddie, are you okay?" Eddie nodded meekly, unsure that if he tried to speak he wouldn't burst into tears. It was bad enough to have been dragged away from your old home and dad, let alone be dragged into a pit of cruel teenagers.

Eddie slumped into his seat and focused on just making it through the day until he was able to hide under his covers in his nice, warm bed. As much as he hated to admit it, he loved his new room. It was considerably larger than his old room. His mom had been able to afford a larger place, now that their money wasn't being spent on cancer treatment. "Are you like, actually okay? Or are you just saying that. Your arm made a really weird sound when you hit the ground. Hey! Sound and ground rhymes. I should become a poet. I could go on to become the greatest poet of all time. I'll publish an outrageous amount of books, filled with only like five poems. But they'll be the greatest damn five poems you'll ever read." Richie rambled on about being more famous than, well he didn't actually specify any poets because he didn't know any but thats besides the point, right?

Eddie was stunned at the sheer amount this kid could talk. Seriously, it was like he never had an off switch. Not even when the teacher exasperatedly told him to be quiet at least four times. Thats right. Four! Of all the people he could have been stuck sitting next to, it was the trash-mouth. Only when the teacher threatened him with detention did he finally stop talking, only to bounce his shoes in a rhythm Eddie didn't recognise but sounded familiar, like a 3am idea that you just couldn't bring back no matter how hard you tried. "God, don't you ever stop?"

Richie looked at Eddie with surprise, and Eddie noticed that his eyes were dark. Like, really dark. They were brown, if you looked hard enough, but they might as well have just been black. They were pretty. Richie broke out into a smile. God, Eddie had never seen a smile like that in his life. It was one that was just so genuine and made you feel happier, which Eddie really needed at that moment. He dismissed it immediately, when Richie said "The only time I stop talking is when I'm making your mom hard." Eddie could do nothing but blush and scoff at the comment, and before the trashmouth could say anything else the bell rang and signalled the end of the class. Thank God.

"So, what's your name?" Richie looked up from the floor to make eye contact with Eddie, and rubbed the back of his neck,

"I'm Richie. Richie Tozier. I needn't ask for your name, after your most grand entrance." Eddie couldn't help but giggle as Richie made the worst attempt at a British accent he had ever heard. Richie couldn't help but be absolutely consumed by the sound of the short boy's laughed. It sounded like choir music. No, you can't think like that. He's a boy! The sound of Richie's inner voice was that of the harshest critic out there.

"That was so embarrassing. Is everyone here like that at this school?" Richie sighed at the question, and nodded. Richie had this theory that just being on Derry soil turned some part of you evil, and that it could corrupt you if you didn't fight back against it. It was probably true.

"Most, yeah, but not my friends. They're awesome. You can sit with us, if you want. What class do you have next?"

Eddie pulled out his schedule, "English with Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, Beverly is in that class. She's the one with the flaming red hair. You really can't miss her." Richie smiled fondly at the thought of his beloved redhead.

They exchanged goodbyes and walked their seperate ways to class. Thankfully, both boys managed to get inside without trouble, and Eddie immediately recognised who Richie had been describing. She had long, wavy hair that reminded Eddie of a fire burning in late October- a fire that, held against the dark and grey skies seemed to just burn that little bit brighter than you thought was possible. It was beautiful. She was slightly more pale than the other girls, but he didn't take too much notice. She was wearing some sort of flowy dress with flower patterns, and she was sitting by herself. How could a girl that pretty be sitting by herself?

"Hi, I'm Eddie. Richie told me to sit with you." Eddie said, his face contorting into an expression of uncertainty.

"Heyo! I'm Beverly, but seeing as Richard has taken a liking to you, you can call me Bev." She smiled, and gestured to the seat next to her for Eddie to sit down. He gladly did so.

The lesson went by fairly quickly, and perhaps they had learnt something important that day in English, but Eddie was too wrapped up in the idea of that trashmouth. Only when thinking back did Eddie remember his glasses. God, his glasses were something else entirely. The took up most of his face, and made his eyes look so big. Those eyes. Eddie could stare at them for hours and never get bored.

The next two periods were a blur of trying to find his class and trying to find people to sit with. He got lost, and ended up getting a detention. He didn't know anyone in those other classes, but he met one kid called Stan in his Art class, which was nice. Stan talked about birds for most of it. Eddie got the feeling that Stan was part of Richie's group, but didn't have the energy to talk about it until Stan invited Eddie to sit with them.

"Oh, this kid called Richie actually invited me first, and I'd feel bad flaking on him. Maybe tomorrow, though?" Stan laughed, and playfully hit Eddies shoulder.

"Of course Richie would be the one to beat me to it. It's like he's always trying to one-up me. You seem good, though. There's not much of that around here," Eddie grinned, and they resumed working on their joint artwork. They packed up early to be ready for lunch, and were dismissed before the bell even went off. While going to their lockers, which just so happened to be in the same section, they talked about everything and nothing. They both pulled out their lunch from their lockers, and Stan lead the way to their table. The Loser's table, Stan clarified.

"Why do you call yourselves Losers?" Eddie couldn't understand the logic.

"Well, if you beat the bullies to their own game, it takes the power away from them. The insult becomes useless, because we have already claimed it, see?" Stan explained, looking around to see if the others were coming.

"That's smart. Use their own bullets against them. I like that." They began eating, and eventually a slightly larger kid sat down at the table.

"Eddie, this is Ben, Ben, this is Eddie," Stan introduced them, gesturing between the two.

"Hi, I think you're in my History class?" Ben questioned, and Eddie bounced his head in response. Eddie had seen him sitting in the very front of the classroom on the very left side. He seemed lonely.

"Oh, here come Bev and Richie," they turned their heads to catch Bev laughing manically at Richie who was gesturing wildly. God only knows what this was about. By the time they had arrived, Bev had began to cry of laughter. It really was a sight.

"What is it this time?" Stan asked with a slight pain in his voice. Eddie could tell that even though Stan seemed fed up with their behaviour, there was a slight look of amusement in his eyes.

"Richie was doing the best impression of Greta Bowie I think I've ever seen," Beverly tried to explain in between fits of giggles. Eddie began smiling. He knew he had found his people.

"Hey, Eds, I see you joined us," Richie said, excited by the fact his short friend had come along.

"Don't call me that," Eddie's mouth worked faster than his brain sometimes, and when he realised he had mouthed off to the friend he had just made, he felt his cheeks burn with shame. This embarrassment was short lived, as Beverly backed him up.

"Yeah, Eddie! Stick it to the man!" This caused an outburst of laughter from the group. Richie mumbled something incomprehensible, and the conversation died down as everyone began to eat. Well, everyone except for Richie. No one noticed, they were too busy eating themselves. No one except for Eddie, but he decided it would be best to talk to Richie about that in private.

Two more kids- Mike and Bill- showed up, and the conversation began to flow. The group seemed to just fit together perfectly, like a puzzle. Richie could only begin to think that Eddie was the last missing puzzle piece when they had to go to their next class. Richie, Eddie and Bev all had Science together. They made their way over, but Beverly got distracted by one of her other friends so she went off, leaving Richie and Eddie by themselves.

"Why didn't you have any lunch?" Richie's body began to heat up internally, and he could have sworn his brain had turned to mush in that instant. Panic began to build up in that space between his ribs. No one ever notices. Why did he have to? Why? Why?

"I'm so full from my dinner last night. Your mom tastes really good. Give compliments to the chef when you get back," Richie shot back, trying to hide the truth under a layer of humour. That was his fallback plan, and it always worked. Always.

"Gross, and really. Why didn't you eat?" Eddie turned to look at the boy, but Richie was adamantly refusing eye contact.

"I wasn't hungry, that's all Eds. No need to get your panties in a twist. Just like I got you-" Richie was cut off by Eddies hand hitting him gently on the stomach. Eddie realised his hand went much farther than it should have into empty space, but he decided to drop it. Not for long, but maybe until they got to know each other a little better. He was by no means going to let this slide.

They learned about acceleration, and while both Eddie and Richie tried to concentrate, the pair wouldn't stop dwelling over the incident that had just occurred. The last period of the day was maths, and Eddie was alone. He didn't try make friends with anyone else, and kept to his own in the back of the room. It was a little hard to see, but it was better than having spit balls shot at your head and back. This school really was something else. The end had come, and his math teacher was handing out sheets of homework. At least this would give him something to do, instead of just lying in his bed and replaying every moment of today in his head on repeat.

The bell rang, and Eddie walked slightly too quickly to his locker to get his bag. He said his goodbyes to Stan, and headed for the door. A hand landed on his shoulder, and Eddie swivelled around in fear to see who it was. He relaxed once he saw it was just Richie, and the pair walked home. Turns out, Richie was just across the road from Eddie.

"Why have't I seen you around?" Richie asked, cocking his head to one side and narrowing his eyes.

"My mom doesn't like me going outside. Like, at all. She thinks I'll catch some sort of disease. She's crazy about that stuff," Eddie explained. Richie noticed the far off look in his eyes and he felt bad for the kid.

"That does not sound like fun. I'd hate to have controlling parents. Mine aren't perfect, but they try their damn best." 

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Walk to school with me? My mom makes me get there early," Eddie said, hoping he wouldn't be rejected after his first attempt to make a friend.

"Sure, Eds, just knock on my window when you're ready. It's the bottom one on the left," Richie walked off, leaving a slightly entranced Eddie by his front door. Eddie snapped out of it, and headed inside.

"Hey, ma. I'm going to my room to do some homework. Is that alright?" Eddie made his way to the living room, where his beast of a mother lay in her reclining chair watching some television program- remote in one hand, some sort of sweet in the other.

"Of course, Eddie-bear. I'll call you when dinner is ready," she gestured to her cheek for him to kiss it, which he did. He didn't dare stand up to his mother. He made his way up the stairs, and pulled out his math homework. He was a little confused at first, having barely paid attention to the teacher, but he managed alright. He was good at maths. He understood the way it worked and how to apply different methods to make himself understand, even if it wasn't the 'conventional' way of doing it. If it worked for him he stuck with it.

It took him about half and hour to do, and he refused to think about the day until he went to sleep. He walked over to the right side of his room, and pulled out a comic from the bookshelf above his desk. Everything had a place in Eddie's room. Nothing was left lying around. He hated having to do this, but it made his mom happy. It seemed his life revolved around her. Which, to be fair, it did.

Eddie's mom called out for dinner, and he made his way down the stairs to eat whatever organic crap his mom would force into him. It was some sort of kale concoction, and it tasted like the worst thing Eddie had ever eaten. He thought this about most things his mom cooked, so he sucked it up and began to eat. His mind wandered onto Richie, and he made no effort to get him out of his head. He wondered what he was doing as he was getting ready for bed. He pulled the sheets over his body, and exhaustion took over, the night before being plagued with anxiety-ridden thoughts about starting a new school. 

Over the road, Richie was lying on his bed with his headphones in, playing music from his Walkman. He needed to drown out the yelling from his own head. It worked, but not well enough. He turned the volume up higher until the lyrics and the guitars and the drums were practically screaming in his ear. If Richie were to go deaf at 20, it wouldn't surprise him.

After a while, he stopped the tape as he began to feel his eyes start drooping. He went to his bathroom and stripped to get into the shower. Before he did, he turned to the mirror and let the darks thoughts consume his. Choruses of 'too fat' 'not skinny enough' 'not good enough' rang throughout his entire being. He dismissed them with a shake of his head and showered, while his mind wandered. It settled on the Kaspbrak kid, and it made Richie smile. He seemed to make things a little better. He knew he might have to start being smart about not eating, though.

His mind was busy thinking of ways that he could fool Eddie so that it wouldn't be a concern anymore. After a while, he could stop and Eddie wouldn't notice. The cogs inside his brain whirred until the late hours of the night, when Richie finally fell asleep and dreamed of nothing.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Hope you like it :)
> 
> No trigger warning for this one

Ever since the first day of school, Eddie made a habit of going to Richie's bedroom to walk to school with him. He grabbed his backpack and nearly ran right out the door, making his way to the house across the street. He looked in and knocked out the window and saw Richie in nothing but a shirt and his boxers. Richie turned to see what the noise was, and smiled when he saw Eddie by his window. "Hey! Eds! Glad you could make it. I bet you totally planned it so you could see me in my boxers, didn't you?" Eddie felt speechless. Sure, he hadn't expected Richie to be like all the other normies he was forced to deal with his whole life, but the sheer boldness of Richie shocked him.

"What the fuck?" Eddie couldn't help but question it, his mouth moving too fast for him to realise that Richie might take it the wrong way.

"Sorry, I never really try and filter what i say. I figure that if people can't handle it when they first meet me then I shouldn't waste time trying to win them over by being someone I'm not," Richie looked to the floor dejectedly, making a point to avoid eye-contact.

"Shit, no, sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I swear. I've just never met someone who feels so comfortable being themselves and being so brash after only meeting me. It's nice, though, but I do have to say that I can't control my temper. So, if you can't handle me calling you out on bullshit then this probably won't work," Eddie grimaced, feeling stupid for making Richie feel bad for what he said. Normally he'd get mad, but he'd only just met Richie and still didn't know what the friendship dynamic would be like," Richie visibly relaxed.

"You can come in, you know," Richie gestured to his bed, and Eddie climbed through the window and sat. Richie turned to find some pants, and only then did Eddie really look at him. He couldn't see much, given how big the shirt was, but just by a simple glance at his legs he felt alarmed. They weren't just skinny, they looked as if one tiny little kick would snap them into a million pieces. When Richie turned to the side in a fight to get his skinny jeans on, Eddie could see faint bruising where Richie's underwear was riding up.

"Like what you see?" Eddie quickly looked away and glared at Richie who was looking at him from his mirror.

"Shut up," Eddie said, rolling his eyes and trying to hide the obvious embarrassment he was going through.

"Make me," Richie strolled over to Eddie, completely ignoring the normal social standards for personal space. He put his face dangerously close to Eddie's. If either of them moved the slightest bit their lips would have touched.

Eddie began to blush, and willed himself to break eye contact and move away, but something in him made him simply helpless. Paralysed. The moment was broken when Richie giggled. God, Eddie could have listen to that sound on repeat for days. "Oh, you should have seen the look on your face, Eds," Richie said as he pulled his face away. Eddie felt slightly saddened at the lack of closeness between them.

"Just get ready so we can go, Rich," Eddie desperately wanted to get out of his room and into the cold where his face could cool down and he had an excuse as to why his cheeks were so red.

"Rich?" He questioned.

"Well, if you can give me a stupid nickname then I get to give you one. Fair's fair," Eddie raised his eyebrows, as if challenging Richie to talk back, "Now for the second time, let's go."

"Why of course, Sir, anything for you, Sir," Richie bowed and Eddie couldn't help but laugh at the return of the British accent.

Of all the accents Richie had thrown at him on that first day of school, the British one was Eddie's favourite and never failed to make him laugh. Well, when it came to Richie, Eddie laughed at every single one of his jokes, whether they were good or not. It was more of the fact that they were coming from Richie than the actual jokes themselves. The stares he got from the other Losers at lunch was worth the smile of joy and satisfaction on Richie's face as Eddie would laugh- the louder Eddie laughed the bigger the smile would be. Eddie would unconsciously laugh a bit harder than he actually wanted to, just so he could see his new favourite person happy. It made him happy knowing he was the cause of it.

"Okay, I'm just going to grab breakfast real quick, and then we'll head off, yeah?" Eddie nodded in response and felt himself grow slightly calmer at the prospect of Richie eating breakfast. Eddie waited by the front door, and jumped when Richie came bouncing out, holding a single granola bar.

"Is that really all you're having?" Eddie asked, all the calmness had been washed away.

"Yeah, I never really want to eat early in the morning, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as they say. Oh, look! I rhymed again. Lookit me, I'm mista poet. All o' you there fools are no match for my greatness!" Richie tried to put on an accent that Eddie thought was supposed to be Irish, but ended up sounding more like Richie that had a weird speech impediment.

"Richie, your impressions really are the worst thing I think I've ever heard," Eddie sighed in fake disappointment as the two began their walk to school.

It was quiet as it was too early for most people to be heading to school and those who had on early morning curriculars had already arrived, meaning the town was basically their own. It was a perfect time for the two to walk in peace and not be disturbed by anyone, especially Bowers and his gang. They lived on the opposite side own town, which meant that unless the two groups were out out the same time they never ran into each other outside of school.

The beginning of the day went by in a blur, as Eddie was now getting used to the routine of the school and could now locate every one of his classes without having to ask where he needed to go. He had at least one of the Losers in almost every one of his classes, so he rarely needed to do that anyways.

"H-hey guys. Wuh-what do y-you want to d-do this wee-week-end?" Bill asked the group.

"What if we go to the quarry after school today?" Stan suggested, too concentrated on his book about different species of birds to look up.

"What's the quarry?" Eddie furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and unconsciously looked towards Richie for an answer. He always seemed to be drawn to Richie, and he would have felt embarrassed by this if it weren't for the fact that every time Eddie looked up, Richie was already staring at him. To begin with, they would both look away, but as they quickly began to relax around each other Richie would often offer Eddie a smile before staring somewhere else.

"It's like," Bev paused, trying to find the right words, "a large cliff that we jump off. There's a bunch of like clear space at the top where you can hang out, and once you jump off there's an area of grass at the bottom of the hill where you climb back up to the top."

"That sounds terrifying. Think of how many germs could be in that water. What if there are fish. They could be contaminated with some disease that could pass on to you. You could cut yourself on some rock and get infected. What if you jump wrong? One slip up and your skull could be cracked open! What if the water is unusually shallow that day and you jump off and the sheer impact of your body hitting the ground kills you, but not quickly enough that you don't suffer for a minute in extreme agony and pain but unable to do anything about it. What if you get caught by someone; I'm not completely convinced that you guys are actually allowed to do this. Do your parents know? And what if-"

"Eds, seriously, there's nothing to be worried about. We've jumped off it too many times to count, and nothing's ever happened. Don't you think that if something were to happen, especially with me there, it would have happened already?" Richie tried to calm the little one's nerves, and seemed to have one the job as Eddie's breathing slowly started to return to normal. It might have been because he had taken a large puff from his inhaler, but both he and Eddie liked to think it was Richie's doing.

"Yeah, you really don't need to worry. I'll stay with you if you don't want to jump," Ben said, smiling reassurance at Eddie. Eddie nodded, and everyone seemed content.

"Eds, I'll come pick you up from your house and show you the way. Wouldn't want you to get lost on your way over there," Richie winked and Eddie felt something burning in his chest.

"Stop with the stupid fucking nicknames already! And yeah, you do that. Have my mom put me on house arrest." Richie laughed, and Eddie rolled his eyes. "Don't you take anything seriously?"

"I'll have you know, I take me and your mother's relationship very seriously. You're mom's been talking a lot about leaving your dad for me and starting a new life somewhere in New Mexico. I don't know where that is, but it sounds romantic as hell. You never know, I think that it's likely I might even become your new stepdad in the foreseeable future," Richie joked, but stopped laughing when he saw something change in Eddie's eyes. They looked sad and distant, and were glistening as if he were about to cry. Eddie bit his lip and laughed back, but it didn't sound genuine nor did the smile reach his eyes. No one but Richie seemed to notice. No one seemed to notice the absence of lunch in Richie's hand, either.

Whatever the Losers were talking about that day, Eddie would never know. He was too caught up in reminiscing in old memories of his dad, back in the days when Sonia actually acted like his mother. If it weren't for that damn illness.

Richie was caught up in his own head, much like Eddie. He was mentally beating himself up over what he said. He didn't understand what had made Eddie like that, but the mere fact he was the one to cause Eddie pain made him want to cry. He pinched at his leg without realising it- a bad and self-destructive habit he had picked up at the age of twelve after Bowers had pinched his arm until it began to bruise.

Richie had provoked him, and unconsciously did it so that Bower's would hurt him. It was a strange and twisted way of self-punishment, but one that Richie definitely thought he deserved. From then on, every time Richie did or said something that made others feel bad or something happened that was even slightly Richie's fault, he would pinch at the skin on his thighs until they hurt so much he wanted to scream. That's when he would stop and try make a joke about whatever the conversation was to try and replace the thoughts in his mind.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As promised, Richie had shown up at Eddie's house. Unlike what many of his teachers would say, the Trashmouth was actually quite smart. From what Eddie has told the Losers about his mom, Richie guessed that if he has shown up at their front door dressed in baggy shorts and an old white t~shirt covered with a blue hawaiian shirt with palm trees on it, Mrs. Kaspbrak would not be very pleased. Richie walked around the house, peering into windows to judge what room was Eddie's.

After looking around the entirety of the bottom floor and coming upon Mrs.Kaspbrak asleep with a melting ice-cream in her left hand, mouth slightly open as if she were going to take a bite, Richie came to the conclusion that Eddie's room was on the top floor. Great. As if by chance, or someone up there was feeling generous that day, there was a large metal ladder leaning against the side of the house. Richie looked up at the top floor of the house, and guessed which room was Eddie's. From the position he was in, he really had no way to tell. He flipped a coin and decided to put the ladder by the window on the left-hand side of the house and climb up it.

Halfway up, the ladder swayed and Richie had to press his lanky body against the cold metal and grip the sides with all the strength in him so as to not fall over. He paused for a second and resumed climbing. A wave of relief washed over him as he glanced into the room; Eddie was sitting on his bed, absentmindedly drawing in a notebook. Richie looked closer and realised he was drawing the Losers, and Richie felt his heart grow and heat up as he saw a heart drawn next to his face.

Richie knocked the rhythm of 'Back in Black' on the window, and laughed when he saw Eddie jump in surprise. Eddie's turned around and Richie could almost hear him groan as he saw it was only Richie by his window. He opened the window and said "Richie, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Calm down, Eds," Richie whispered, knowing that if Mrs.Kaspbrak heard him and saw that he was visiting her son by ladder she would throw a fit, most likely pass out from sheer horror. "I'm only here to rescue you from the boredom that you must be facing to reside to drawing." Richie could see Eddie's face turn pink as he realised Richie had most likely seen what he had drawn.

"Ugh, fine. I'm really not getting out of this, am I?" Richie shook his head and Eddie dejectedly grabbed his notebook and crammed it in the back of the top of his cupboard. He did not trust his mom not to go through his stuff, and even though Eddie was a mere 5'4, his mom was 5'2, meaning that he was able to put whatever he didn't want her to find on the top shelf of his cupboard and she wouldn't be able to reach it. Of course, she could always use a stool, but she would never expect her precious Eddie-bear to hide anything from her.

Eddie grabbed his fanny pack full of his medication and his inhaler. Of course, he hadn't known at that point in time they were all fake and never actually helped him, but he was under the illusion that they were. It was so ingrained into him ever since he had gotten tuberculosis when he was five and his mom became a health freak that he used his inhaler as a coping mechanism the way one would use a cigarette.

"Okay, I'm not going down that deathtrap, so I'll see you out the front. I'm taking the stairs like a normal person," Eddie said, sticking out his hand and pointing it at Richie.

"I'd be surprised if you haven't figured out I'm not normal by now, Eddie-baby," Richie finger-gunned at him, and started climbing down the ladder before Eddie could really process the new nickname.

Eddie slowly opened his door and crept down the stairs, avoiding the ones that creaked and stepping in the places he knew made the least amount of noise. He had memorised all of this the first weekend when his mom had gone to Bangor to see his aunts in case he ever needed to sneak out. Of course, he had only assumed this to be an avid fantasy that wouldn't ever actually happen to someone like him, but here he was.

He successfully made it out the door, barely making out of the door as Sonia was beginning to stir. He had prayed to every God that he knew of to make her stay asleep. The pair made their way up to the quarry and waited for the others to arrive. It didn't take long before all seven of them had shown up.

"Hey, Eddie!" 

"Wow, Bev, I've known you for how long? And I don't even get a simple hello? I'm betrayed, alas, my time for death has come. You all must avert your eyes, lest you see my painful and tragic end. You especially, Eddie Spaghetti, I know how much you love me," Richie collapsed onto the floor, making a point to choke and gag until Mike walked over and pushed his eyes shut.

"Hi, you must be Eddie. I'm Mike. I'm homeschooled, in case you're wondering why you haven't seen me yet," Mike smiled at Eddie, making him feel the warmth from the genuinenity of it.

"YEah, that'd be me. That's too bad, though, you seem cool," Richie gasped, as if waking from the dead.

"Come on, Eddie. HE hangs out with us! We're the least cool people you'll ever meet, and you're stuck with us,"

"Shut up, Richie!"

"Yeah, shut up Richie."

"Alright, are we done? Now, seeing as we came her to swim, I command you all to strip," Richie commanded, making a point to look directly at Eddie who looked away bashfully after making eye-contact. The Losers laughed and began to strip down to nothing but their underwear- the only exception being Richie who kept his black shirt on. Eddie felt slightly disappointed, before cramming that thought into the back of his mind. Boys don't think about other boys like that, Eddie.

One by one the began to jump. Bev first, followed by Ben, then Bill, then Mike and Stan, which left Eddie and Richie alone. "Come on, baby, take your clothes off," Richie said in what Eddie assumed to be his' sexy voice', which could not have made him less attracted to him if he tried.

"I'm embarrassed," Eddie mumbled, ashamed of the slight muffin-top left from the baby fat that simply refused to leave his body. He didn't quite understand why he still had the extra layer of chub on his stomach. He ate right and he exercised plenty. Not that his mom knew about that, which was quite alright with Eddie.

"Eds, no one here cares about that. Hell, Ben is probably five times the size of you and he's still showing skin! Even in front of Bev, which if you haven't noticed he's basically in love with. You didn't hear that from me, though," Richie accursedly pointed at Eddie at the last part, and Eddie held out his pinkie to make a promise. Even at fifteen he still took those seriously. Richie smiled at the gesture and returned it. Not that either boy would admit it to the to the other, but they had both felt a slight spark at the contact.

"Okay. Don't laugh,"

"I'd never," something about the way Richie said it made Eddie really feel as if he meant it. He slowly began to take his clothes off and chose not to acknowledge the burning of his cheeks as Richie watched him.

"You ready?" Eddie nodded, but it was such a slight movement that he wasn't sure that Richie had seen it at all. He apparently did, as he grabbed hold of Eddie's hand and pulled him out over the edge. It felt like he was flying. For a small moment, he felt all of his past and worries completely leave him as he plummeted into the water. He had never felt safer than in that moment as his hand was intertwined with Richie's.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *One year later*
> 
> Slight anorexia warning, more-so just mentions of it

After the first three weeks of school, the first long weekend of the year was coning up. To make it as interesting for themselves, the Losers had come up with the idea to go on a camping trip. They would do this for every long weekend to come. Richie had insisted on naming it, but after everyone had vetoed his idea to call it the 'Loser's Orgy Session', he got upset and refused to be a part of the naming process. It was now lunch on the last day of school before the weekend, and the Losers were discussing and fleshing out plans for it.

"Oh-ok-kay guys, who's ready for the first official Loser's Camping Extravaganza?" Bill threw his hands up in the air in excitement, and Richie made a gagging noise.

"Big Bill, was that really the best name you could come up with? You're slacking. I know you can do better than that, man," Richie shook his head in disappointment.

"Sh-shu-shut it, R-ri-richie. Unless y-you have s-s-someth-thing b-b-better to call it, t-t-h-then don't com-compla-ain," Bill punched Richie in the arm, and Richie cried out in pain and fell to the floor.

"Oh, dear god, Bill! You've broken my arm! My good arm! It's what I use when I'm thinking about Eddie's mom, Bill. How could you do this?" Eddie gasped, and had to take a puff from his inhaler from embarrassment, which only made the rest of them laugh harder than they already were.

"Okay, for real though. Everyone is to bring their own sleeping bags and pillows and clothes and whatnot. My dad has a bunch of tents that he won when he was drunk at an auction, so I can take those and we can use them. There's enough for all of us, but there's one for three people, and two for two people so we'll have to share. That cool with everyone?" Bev asked, and everyone nodded their heads.

"I dibs Spaghetti! None of you are allowed to join us," Richie winked at Eddie, and he could feel his heart slamming against his ribcage as Richie jokingly licked his lips and made a growling expression with his mouth.

"Bill and I can go together," Stan said, looking towards Bill who shrugged his shoulders as a 'yes'.

"Right, that means it's Ben, Mikey and I. Solid," Bev elbowed the two boys who were coincidentally on either side of her.

"Richie, you're on food duty. Just get stuff like hotdogs and don't you even think about forgetting marshmallows or I will personally make sure you don't come out of that tent alive," Bev stared at Richie with an expression so serious that Eddie wasn't entirely sure she was joking. 

"Course, Bevvy," Richie replied. No one noticed the slight flinch from Bev at the use of the nickname her father would refer to her as.

"Don't call me that, Trashmouth," Bev pointed her finger and wagged it in front of Richie's face.

"I'll just stick to Molly Ringwald, then," Richie laughed, Bev rolled her eyes, and things were normal again.

"Eds, I will make sure to personally escort you from your house. Oh shit, what are you gonna tell your mom?" Richie asked, and Eddie sighed.

"I can probably say that I'm going over to yours for the long weekend. Last year I told her that you're helping tutor me in maths, and that your family goes to the church services every week, just so that she could have a false belief that one of you are actually decent. Richie's name was the first I could think of. She'd get suspicious if I were to have more than one friend." Eddie felt slightly saddened at the reality of his last statement and failed to notice the smile that was growing on Richie's face that was glowing brighter than the sun.

"Sounds good, Eds," Richie said, not bothering to try and get rid of the smile on his face. Eddie outwardly frowned at the use of the nickname, but smiled to himself. No one ever gave him a nickname- nicknames from your mom and names other kids use to pick on you don't count. He felt like he found his person, corny as it sounds.

"Hey, maybe I can find some more species of birds. I've been dying to find and sketch some. Drawing the same bird over and over gets a bit repetitive," Stan said excitedly. The Losers were glad that Stan had something he felt genuinely passionate about. It seemed to help soften the idea of Stan in their minds who was usually so sarcastic and calculating that they were sometimes unsure of whether or not he was actually a teenager, rather than an adult trapped in one's body.

"S-sh-sure Stan, I'll ev-even hel-help you l-loo-k," Bill smiled timidly at Stan, who returned the favour.

The bell rang to signal the end of their break, and Richie groaned as he stood up. If there was anything worse than the prospect of growing up, it was actually having to go to school and sit still to learn things he had zero interest in. 'You'd think that after doing this shit for so long, people would have figured out how to make school actually interesting.' Richie would often think to himself as he listened to another teacher drone on about something he wouldn't remember after leaving the classroom.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Among the many things that was wrong with Richie Tozier, insomnia was one of them. He had gotten a total of one hour sleep that Friday night, and was simply exhausted from his ruined sleep schedule. He knew he would have to be up not long after that, but he was simply so tired that he couldn't quite bring himself to keep himself awake until they got to the campsite.

He had been dreaming about a certain asthmatic when he heard something banging against his window. He looked up and saw none other than Eddie Kaspbrak frantically knocking on his window frame, an expression of annoyance drawn across his face. Richie rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses which he had fallen asleep with, and stumbled over to the window and opened it.

"Hey, Eds. What's up?" Richie asked, not entirely sure he wasn't still dreaming.

"God, aren't you even ready yet? You're still in your pyjamas. Have you packed at the very least?" Eddie said, but he couldn't help but be slightly less mad when he saw a sleepy Richie in his band t-shirt and shorts, along with his unruly mop of curly bed hair. Before this moment, Eddie didn't think Richie so much as brushed it, but after seeing just how messy it was he had to assume that Richie would did something with it every morning.

"Ready for what?" Richie couldn't for the life of him remember what they were supposed to be doing, which made him feel bad. He liked to think that if he made plans with Eddie he would remember them.

"The Loser's Camping Extravaganza," Eddie said, looking at Richie with slight amusement. Richie thought Eddie looked very cute like that.

"Oh! Yeah! Of course. Didn't really sleep last night so I decided to pack. Still tired as shit, if you couldn't tell," Richie gestured to himself and Eddie laughed his angelic laugh.

"Oh, well, you can sleep when we get there. I'm sure the others won't mind. You should probably get dressed, though," Richie nodded, walked to his closet and began to lift his shirt up when he realised Eddie was still there. He turned back around and both boys blushed when they made eye contact.

"I-I'll turn around," Eddie made a dramatic gesture of it, and Richie sniggered. Richie pulled on a pair of shorts, a Red Hot Chilli Peppers shirt and a long-sleeve button up over the top. "You can turn around again, Eds,"

"Let's get going, yeah?" Richie went to the other side of the room and grabbed two duffel bags- one for his stuff and the other for the food he knew he was barely going to eat. He had been eating more than usual that week to try and throw Eddie off his ass, and it seemed to be working. He didn't' think he'd be able to do it for much longer.

The two boys walked side by side to the campsite, arriving before any of the others. Eddie had never gone camping before, and Richie just wanted to be with Eddie. Every time Richie would think something about him, he would give himself a pinch on the thigh. In a way it was worth it to be around Eddie.

One by one the other began to arrive. Bill and Stan had come up together as they lived close to one another, then Bev by herself, and then finally Mike and Ben came stumbling up the path. "Alright, let's set up," Bev said, making her way over to a clearing in the ground and calling Ben over as he had the tents. 

They all worked together to try and set up their tents in the pairs that they had arranged. Mike, Ben and Bev had finished first. Ben wanted to think it was because they had three people and the others only had two, but everyone knew it was because Ben was simply just good with his hands and figuring out how things worked. Bill and Stan finished next, having to restart a couple of times and trying to read the instructions to no avail. They had gotten it in the end and had both felt very accomplished with themselves.

Even when the other Losers had well and truly finished setting up, complete with their sleeping bags and whatnot, Richie and Eddie were still depreserately trying to set theirs up. It was a constant stream of 'No, Eds, you gotta pull it through this way' and 'Shut the fuck up. I know what I'm doing so just listen to me.' Ben eventually volunteered to try and help them, and with his help it had taken less than a minute.

"See, Spaghetti, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Richie hung his arm around Eddie's shoulders, who promptly slipped out of Richie's grasped and punched him in the arm.

"I'm gonna kill you, Richie. I'm dead serious. Don't think for a second that you are going to be safe tonight," Eddie threatened Richie. He really did try and be serious, both for his and Eddie's sake, but he simply couldn't help but laugh at the fact of this short 16 year old telling him off. He stopped laughing quick, as Eddie had began to chase him around the campsite. Although Eddie was short and asthmatic, or so he believed, the boy could run. Like, really fast. So much so that he managed to easily catch up to Richie, who's legs were so long he might as well have been a slightly shorter version of Slenderman.

Eddie tackled Richie to the ground and the two began to wrestle. By this point, the Losers had gotten so used to the constant bickering that they had learned to just block out the two of them. Richie had grabbed Eddie, who was currently on top of him, by the wrist and rolled over so that he was now pinning Eddie down.

"Now, now, did you really think you could beat me in a wrestling match? I may be the lankiest guy ever, but I'm still strong. It's all the workout I get from nailing your mom every night!" Richie said, bringing his face closer to Eddie's to make a point and he was grinning form ear to ear.

"Richie, if you don't get off me right now I swear to god I'll-" Eddie was cut off by Richie tickling him under the armpits. Eddie went into an uncontrollable fit of laughter and was begging Richie to stop. The trashmouth only took this as motivation to keep going and go from his armpits to his stomach, which only caused Eddie to start shrieking louder.

"Will you guys please stop! Some of us are trying to get shit done," Stan had his head in his hands as he was scolding the two. Both mumbled an apology, and Stan stalked off. The two boys looked at each other and blushed. Eddie coughed, and Richie got off him faster than either of them thought possible.

They walked back to the campsite and talked about nonsense as Bev and Ben cooked dinner. Eddie had never had hotdogs before, and upon hearing this Bill had insisted that that would be the dinner for the first night. In spite of his size, Ben had never really cooked before, but luckily hotdogs were easy enough.

They were cooking them over the fire and then placing them on a plastic plate. If anyone tried to sneak one before they were all cooked, Bev would slap them on the hand. Richie swore as he got slapped in an attempt to make a scene, and Eddie had laughed so hard that Richie got flustered enough that he couldn't even make a joke about it.

Once the hotdogs were all done cooking, the Losers each got a paper plate with some bread on it and lined up to get one sausage. Richie had forgotten the sauce, but Bill had packed some just in case. While watching her cook, Richie though of his friendship with Bev and how they had been friends since he could remember- they each needed the support from the other whenever things got bad at home, or the bullying became a bit too much. Richie never did tell Bev about his eating habits, though. He didn't think he'd be able to tell anyone. They all ate, except for Richie, and made fun of all the stupid bullies like Henry Bowers at school.

Bev and Richie took turns telling scary stories until the sun had long since gone down, and one by one each Loser had gotten a blanket as the air was getting slightly colder without the heat of the sun. Eddie had claimed that he "wasn't bothered" to get his blanket, so he made Richie share with him. The two were sitting closer than what was probably necessary, but no one mentioned it. They had passed it off as Eddie being scared by the stories, which he was.

Every time something unexpected would happen and Richie would yell suddenly, Eddie would make a sound like a dog that was hurt, and would hide his head in Richie's chest. Bill was clinging to Stan as if his life depended on it and only calmed down slightly once Stan had put his hand on Stan's thigh for reassurance. Ben would never admit to being scared, because the stories being told were simply too ridiculous, but he was terrified.

At roughly 11, Stan and Bill called it quits and headed back to their tent to go to sleep. Ben went off not long after that, and soon it was only Richie and Eddie awake. They didn't talk, but they didn't move away from each other, either. Neither thought they'd actually be able; they seemed stuck together. They stayed like that for a while, no sounds except the steady breathing of the pair and the quiet sounds of the woods around them.

"Eds, do you ever feel like no one really gets you? Like, you have friends...but you don't feel like you can really talk to anyone?" Eddie was taken aback by the sudden seriousness that Richie was giving off. He could tell that Richie was really tired, he was basically mumbling the whole sentence and it took Eddie a moment to really register what he said.

"I mean, yeah. My whole life I've never had, well, anyone. My mom always says she cares, but it's never in the way I actually need. I could never talk to her about stuff and she's never let me have any real friends. She says that they'll be no good for me and that the only person I need is her. I know she's doing it out of love, but it just," Eddie sighed, "really sucks growing up without anyone,"

"That's really shitty of your mom, Eds. It doesn't really sound like love to me. I've never really had someone either. I have the Losers and everything, but I don't feel like I can tell them anything. I'm not allowed to. I know I have to play this role of being the funny one, the one who's always in a good mood, the one who makes others feel better. No one cares to think that maybe I'm not that all there."

Richie was stunned that he was allowing himself to open up to Eddie, not knowing why it took him so long to do so, but Eddie had earned his trust and had kept whatever mundane secrets he had let out to himself. Something about Eddie made Richie feel like he could say anything and wouldn't be judged or made fun of for. He was near tears, the first time opening up to someone brought up all the horrible feelings that always rested under his skin, but the burning embers of the fire were the only light source so they weren't visible. Eddie could still sense them. Eddie slung his arm around Richie's waist, and Richie put his head on top of Eddie's. They sat like that for a lengthy portion of time. "Eds, we should head off to bed," Richie nudged Eddie to see if he was still awake. Eddie mumbled something incoherent. Richie stood up and picked Edie up, who instinctively wrapped his legs around Richie's waist and hugged him tight.

Richie put Eddie in his sleeping bag and reached up to turn off the torch that was strapped to the top of the tent so he could see, but not before looking at Eddie's sleeping body. The yellow glow of the torch shone softly on Eddie's skin, making a halo around his face. Richie could see every one of Eddie's freckles that he hadn't noticed before as they were lying so close in the dark. The steady rhythm of Eddie's breathing lulled Richie into one of the deepest sleeps he ever had.

Neither mentioned it when they woke up in each other's arms, nor did they immediately get up once they had woken up. Both pretended they were asleep just to stay safe and close like that for as long as possible.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, dis one kinda dark
> 
> Trigger warnings: TW: Homophobic slurs, beatings and bulimia

Richie was looking at his schedule at his locker, seeing which class he had next. He groaned when he saw he had Maths, as they were given a homework sheet which Richie had so characteristically not completed. He knew he needed to start getting his act together, but he simply couldn't concentrate on a task for more than a couple of minutes before getting distracted.

"Tozier, let me copy off of you. I know you're not as dumb as the teachers all say you are. Not smart enough to stay out of my way, though," Henry Bowers was trying to get homework answers off of Richie, who had been adamantly refusing. He knew that Henry would get mad and do something he wouldn't regret, but Richie didn't know how to keep his mouth shut.

"I'll let you copy off me when you're mom stops our fucking sessions, Bowers," Richie pinched himself, knowing that this would only cause more trouble. His mouth worked a lot faster than his brain did, often in the worst possible situations. Ones where Richie could save himself a lot of hurt and harsh words. 

"You're so dead. I swear you'll be dead by 3 today if you don't give me your fucking answers, fag," Henry shoved Richie against his locker, holding him by the throat and cutting off his air circulation. Richie held his breath and tried not to struggle against Bowers, knowing that he would eventually give up and move on. He didn't let go but only pushed harder, and Richie was starting to see black stops in his eyes and felt himself ho lightheaded.

"Hey, get the fuck off of him!" Richie and Henry turned to see a furious Eddie storming up to them. "Why don't you go pick on someone who actually deserves it. Richie hasn't done shit, so leave him alone," Henry let go of Richie, who rubbed his neck and starting choking for lost air. Henry slammed him against the lockers a final time.

"Listen, fuckface, if you don't stop protecting your faggy little boyfriend and learn to mind your own business, you'll be awfully sorry. I'm feeling nice today, so I'll let this slide. No more free passes. Next time, you'll be waling up in a hospital bed wondering why mommy is sobbing next to you and howling 'Oh, goodness, what have they done to my poor little boy'. Got it?" Eddie nodded, eyeing Henry with a look of pure disgust and disdain that Richie had never seen before. Henry walked off, leaving the two and going to lunch.

"Hey, are you okay?" Eddie kneeled down to where Richie was on the floor, hugging his knees. 

"Yeah, I'm used to it. You really shouldn't do that again. I don't want you to get hurt, and especially not because you're trying to stick up for me," Richie had a pleading look in his eyes, but Eddie wilfully ignore it.

"No, I'm not going to let him do that to you! It's totally unfair, and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Does no one else do that for you?" Richie shook his head, and Eddie could have sworn he felt his heart break just a little.

"No one is crazy enough to stand up to Bowers, Eds," Richie looked at Eddie and the two burst out laughing. Everyone else had gone to lunch, so the hallways were free of judgmental looks. "Seriously, though, he is going to get me after school. Please promise me you'll just go home," Richie said this with such force and command in his voice that it would have taken everything Eddie had in him to say no. He knew there would be no point in disagreeing, so he solemnly nodded his head.

They walked to the cafeteria to eat lunch with the other Losers, and no one but Eddie seemed to notice the painfully red handprint mark on Richie's neck. It seemed to Eddie that he was the only one really looking out for Richie, and it made him sad that maybe he was trying to reject Eddie's help because he felt like he didn't deserve it. At that moment Eddie made a promise to himself to always try to look out for Richie whenever possible. He was going to start by trying to make Richie eat more.

"Psst, hey, Rich, do you want my apple?" Richie looked at the fruit that Eddie was holding and felt his chest tighten and his breathing become uneven. 

"Nah, I had a really big breakfast so I'm still full. Besides, you are but a wee growing lad who needs his sustenance. I could nevah take that away from yew," the return of the British accent would have made Eddie laugh in any other given situation, but it just made him feel uneasy. Richie could see the look of uncertainty in Eddie's eyes, so he took the apple from his hand and took a bite out of it. He ate half of it before throwing it in the bin. It wasn't a lot, but Eddie was still satisfied that he got Richie to eat something. 

Richie stood up and excused himself to the bathroom. Eddie was too deep in a staring contest with Mike to notice that he was going away. His concentration was like no other, he had never felt so determined to win anything before. Mike had promised him an entire bag of candy from the store in town, which Eddie hadn't ever foot in or even dared to think about having anything from. 

Richie made his way to the far side of the school where he was sure no one else would be in and felt himself start to dry heave before he could even think about locking the door. He put his index and middle finger together and brought it into his mouth to try and actually get something up. He was about to make himself sick when he heard the door smash open. He made a reach for the door to lock it, but was too slow. Henry knocked back the door and yanked Richie by the arm and onto the cold tiled floor.

Richie's head slammed against a loose piece and he could feel a warm trail of blood com from the impact. Henry kicked Richie in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him once again. He could only reply with a slight grunt as anything more would have required him to breath in, which he was physically unable to do. 

"Next time think about trying to fucking go against me, gayboy. I don't understand why you think you can just go around, doing whatever you want to. There are consequences for your actions, and no one else seems to want to teach you that lesson. If you could just stop being you, then maybe I wouldn't have to do this kinda shit. It's your fault, okay? I'm just trying to help you," Henry leaned down and whispered in Richie's ear. 

Richie tried to throw a punch at Henry's head, but was too slow, allowing Henry to grab his wrist and pin him down against the ground, slamming his arms down. "If you wanted to pin me down this badly, you could have just asked," Richie mumbled, barely audible. It was still loud enough for Henry to hear, causing him to start throwing punches at Richie's face. He tried to scream out in pain but the only noise that came out was a continuous groaning. 

Richie knew he shouldn't provoke Henry, but some twisted part of him did it on purpose so that he could get hurt. It started out as him just being himself and Henry beating him up for it, but the worse Richie got the more he would say to Henry to make himself get hurt. It saved himself from having to do it. Sometimes Henry would go too far, and it would make Richie regret doing it, but other times it felt almost liberating.

When Henry started getting tired he pulled Richie up and shoved him against the bathroom wall. He grabbed hold of his neck once more, and slammed his head against the white walls, staining it red. Richie refused to tell Henry to stop. After dealing with Henry for a few years, Richie had long since knew it didn't do anything but encourage Henry to go harder. Through his cracked glasses lens he could visibly make out Henry's face which sported a murderous expression that made Richie fear for his life.

"Don't try me. I've been letting you off easy, but my patience is starting to run out, fag. Keep up your act, and I doubt you'll live to see your 16th birthday," Henry spat in Richie's face, threw him onto the ground and walked out the door. Richie couldn't move. The pain was so much that he couldn't feel it. It swallowed him whole, leaving him numb. He wept silently, his chest moving with the sobs that wracked his body. He knew that he needed to get up and go to class. The one thing his parents would get most mad about was him skipping class. Hopefully Eddie would cover for him with the teacher. 

Richie tried to get up, but couldn't lift his head off the ground without wincing. His entire body screamed with pain, and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to get himself out of this situation. He had dealt with this before, but he had always been able to get back up. Henry would always do it at the end of school, too, so Richie never had to deal with explaining to teachers why his face was all bloody and where he had been. Perhaps it was so that Henry would be saved from questioning, or maybe it was a slight bit of decency on his part. 

He struggled to get off the floor for ten minutes before he gave up. Exhaustion had taken over and Richie was fighting to keep his eyes open. He thought the best thing to do was to lock himself in a bathroom stall, so that if anyone came in they wouldn't throw a fit. No one ever came in after school, but he wasn't going to risk anyone seeing him like this. He used his arms to pull himself across the floor and to the stalls. His eyes were now mostly closed, only being able to open for a second at a time leaving Richie mostly guessing where to go. He had made it to the stalls and reached up to close and lock the door before he fell passed out, sprawled on the floor. 

Eddie had been looking for Richie in between periods, growing worried as Richie was nowhere to be found in either of their last two classes. Bill had tried to calm him down and said Richie was probably somewhere bunking off class, but Eddie could feel something wasn't right. If Richie really was somewhere doing... whatever it is that Richie does, surely he would tell me, right? Eddie thought to himself as he made his way to the last class of the day. He spent it thinking about Richie and praying that he was okay and just goofing off. 

The bell rang and everyone rushed out of the classroom to get back home. Eddie was going to go back to his locker when he heard a voice in his head telling him to keep looking for Richie. Deciding that he should probably listen to it, Eddie walked around the school, checking every single classroom and bathroom there was. He almost gave up, but he kept walking to the back of the school where he knew no one ever really went. Perhaps he should have gone there first, but he didn't know what Richie was doing. He saw the door to the bathroom and walked in, not immediately seeing anything. Eddie turned to walk back out, but before he could leave he saw a bloody hand poking out from the last stall.

Shock made him stand still, and even if he tried to move he couldn't. He regained composure and slowly made his way towards the stall, scared to death of what he would see. He screamed when he saw a bleeding, bruised Richie draped across the floor like it was a murder scene. Eddie could feel his lungs closing up and reached for his inhaler, realising that he left in in his backpack currently sitting in his locker. He didn't want to carry it around the school with him as it was heavy. He took deep breaths and put his fingers on Richie's neck to make sure he was still breathing. He began panicking when he could barely feel a pulse. 

"Richie, please wake up. Richie! Richie, please!" Eddie was now sobbing and frantically shaking Richie in an attempt to make him regain consciousness. He could feel Richie begin to wake up and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

"Eds?" 

"Yeah, Richie. I'm here. You're okay. You'll be okay. I'll fix you up I swear. What happened to you?" Richie looked up and he hated the look of concern on Eddie's face. It felt like pity. There was nothing Richie hated more than pity. It made him feel weak and pathetic.

"Henry. I didn't let him copy answers off a homework sheet that I didn't do, and when he was beating me up for it I made some jokes which he didn't really appreciate," Richie laughed, but soon turned into a whopping cough. He couldn't see the specks of blood that had come up, but Eddie did. Eddie didn't think he'd ever been more scared.

"We need to get you home, okay?" Richie shook his head, not caring enough to look at Eddie.

"I can't. I can't tell you why, either. Please can I go to yours?" Richie knew that if he went home, his parents would ask a million questions, meaning he might let something slip about why he was really going to the bathrooms in the first place. He sounded so desperate that Eddie didn't think anything could make him say no.

"Of course. Christ, you're lucky. My mom's out for the weekend to go to some thing. I don't really listen when she talks. She left a note this morning. Can you stand?" Richie tried to use the toilet and sides of the stall to push himself up, but fell back down almost instantly. Eddie stood up and grabbed Richie by the wrists to pull him up, but snatched his arms back when Richie cried out in pain. He showed Eddie the bruising, and Eddie felt his chest beginning to tighten once again. "Okay, I'll put my arm under your armpit and try pull you up that way."

After struggling for several minutes, they had both gotten up off the floor and were slowly walking out fo the school grounds. Neither thought it important to grab their schoolbags. Richie was currently slumped against Eddie's side, one arm wrapped around his neck and the other lying limp by his side. Eddie had one arm under Richie's and around his waist. The height difference made it difficult to walk, but Richie was almost fully leaning against Eddie's side which made it easier. 

They had made it back to Eddie's house without running into too many people, but whenever they did they would walk by without making eye contact, and ignoring the people who would comment about it. Eddie used his free hand to grab the key that was in his front pocket and unlock the door, shutting it behind the two of them. Eddie sat Richie on the toilet seat in his bathroom and went to his cupboard to get Richie a hoodie to change into. He didn't even try looking for a shirt that would be long enough. He went to the bathroom and turned around while Richie changed.

He took off Richie's smashed glasses and set them on the bench before cleaning the cuts with a washcloth. Richie noticed that Eddie was touching the cloth to his face so lightly that he was scared he was going to break Richie if he put the slightest pressure on him. He cleaned the cuts with soap, making sure to not get it in the cuts or to scrub them. He used the cloth once again to remove the soap and applied antiseptic lotions to the cuts before placing bandages on them. While Eddie was doing this, Richie didn't once look away from him. He didn't think Eddie could even notice him staring he was so concentrated. Richie could make out Eddie sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth and couldn't help but smile.

If it were a different situation Eddie might have laughed at the sight of Richie's face which was covered with children's bandages. He only had those ones spare as he carried his regular ones in his backpack. Richie's left eye was bruised purple and black, almost completely swelled shut. "Sorry about your glasses. I'm not sure what we're going to do about that," Richie sighed.

"I have a spare pair at home. I'll get it tomorrow. I'll pretend to be my dad and call in sick and get them when my parents are at work," Richie said.

"Won't they be worried about where you are?" Richie really did try not to laugh.

"What they don't know won't kill them," Eddie was in disbelief.

"I could never imagine disobeying my mom like that." 

Eddie could tell that Richie was exhausted, so he helped Richie to his bedroom. He helped Richie onto his bed, and was about to walk downstairs when he heard Richie call out his name.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah, Rich?"

"Can you sleep with me?" Neither boy joked about the way Richie had phrased the question. Eddie contemplated this for a second, wondering what people would think if they knew what he and Richie were doing.

"Of course I will."


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five! Wholesome at the end of this one dw...
> 
> Trigger Warning: ANorexia

Richie ran towards Bev and Stan who were trying to have a civilised conversation. Richie grabbed Bev and used her body as a shield to protect against a fuming Stan who was running towards him.

"Stan the Man, calm down. What did he do this time?" Bev gripped Richie's wrist, not taking a notice about how easily she could slip her fingers around with too much room to spare, and yanked him to her side.

"It doesn't matter. He's just a dick," Stan huffed, refusing to look at anyone besides Richie. 

"Yeah, w-wuh-what el-else is n-n-new?" Bev giggled and Richie punched her in the arm.

"If my presence is not going to be appreciated then perhaps I will find another group," Richie folded his arms and sat on the ground, crossing his legs.

"Richie, no one else will take you. You are easily the most annoying person I think I have ever met," Stan said, rolling his eyes.

"Why, good sir, my annoyingness is simply the fact of who I am, and it is endearing. Just ask Eds over there," Richie said in his British Guy voice, pointing to Eddie who was now descending into Bill's basement where the Losers where having a sleepover. Bill's parents were away for the weekend and Bill didn't want to be alone in the house.

"Richie, shut the fuck up," Eddie gently placed his bag down next to everyone else's and sat down on the couch where Mike and Ben were watching the scene.

"Make me, princess," Richie winked at Eddie who huffed and looked away.

"I'm literally a boy, Rich, or are you too blind to see that?," Eddie walked up to Richie, took his glasses off and put them on,"I'm Richie, and I make stupid jokes that aren't funny. I wear glasses and Hawaiian shirts because I have a great sense of fashion. I am superior to everyone else around me! I never know when to shut up and everyone finds me annoying," everyone but Richie burst out laughing at Eddie's impression. 

Perhaps if Eddie knew that Richie would replay this moment in his head over and over again, beating himself up over it and repeating those words to himself, then maybe he wouldn't have said it. He didn't, though, so Richie laughed along and pretended like everything was fine. "Ed's, your impression would be a lot funnier if I could actually see it," Richie said, making everyone laugh even harder.

"Should we watch a movie while dinner is on its way?" Ben suggested. Everyone agreed and fought on what movie they should watch. Bev wanted a horror, Ben wanted a romcom, Mike wanted a history documentary, Stan wanted a bird documentary, Eddie and Bill wanted an action movie, and Richie wanted porn. 

They rock-paper-scissored with each other to see who'd win. Bev won, meaning they were stuck watching a shitty horror movie with some of the worst effects the Losers had ever seen. That didn't stop Eddie from hopelessly clinging to Richie's arm like his life depended on it, hiding under a fluffy blanket that the were sharing. They were both sitting with their legs crossed, and due to lack of free space their legs were on top of one another's. They would have sat in a different position had the blanket not covered them.

The movie was about halfway through when the doorbell rang, causing Eddie to jump and nearly elbow Richie in the face. "T-th-that'll b-b-be the p-p-pizz-zas. I-I'll be r-r-igh-ight b-b-back," Bill got up from his spot where he was sitting a little too close to Stan. Bill came down with three large boxes of pizza and soft drinks for everyone. 

The pizzas were gone faster than what should have been possible- everyone taking at least two slices, sometimes three. For Richie, none, but everyone was too concentrated on the movie to see. If you eat it, you're disgusting. How can you live with yourself? Don't even think about trying some. You should be ashamed. It's so unhealthy. You'll gain so much weight and you'll be alone forever. Who'll want you? Nobody. Don't eat it. Richie obeyed the voice in his head.

He went back and sat down, swimming in his inner thoughts. He thought he might drown in them, when a certain hand reached under the blanket and held his, gripping so tightly Richie thought his fingers might break. A jump-scare came on the screen and Eddie buried his head in Riche's shoulders. He hesitantly brought up his free hand to stroke Eddie's hair. When he did, he felt Eddie relax into him even further. Richie thought he might explode.

The end credits began to roll and Richie turned to look at Eddie who had not moved from his place on his shoulder to get up. Upon seeing the sleeping boy he felt his heart swell with happiness. This moment was broken up by Bev pleading for them to watch the sequel to the movie. Eddie threw his pillow at her head.

"Nice one, Eds," Richie high-fived him, and ducked when Bev threw a swing at his head.

"Don't condone this behaviour, Richie. Honestly, who's side are you on?" Bev asked, throwing her hands out in exasperation.

Richie cupped Eddie's cheeks and turned his head to face Bev. "I will always be on this cutie's side. How could you not when he has a face like this?" Eddie grabbed Richie's hand and yanked it away from his face, dramatically rubbing where Richie held it.

"Damn, Richie, you nearly squeezed me to death," Eddie said, growing concerned at the amused look in Richie's eyes.

"Just imagine what I'd be like in bed!" Richie exclaimed, resulting in a collective groan from the group. 

"Do you ever stop? Like, is there an off switch or will you just run your mouth until you die?" Bev asked Richie, causing him to make talking gestures with his hand and mock her. Eddie stifled a giggle.

"Oh, you know you love it Bevvy baby," Richie cooed, patting her on the top of her head.

"What if we played truth or dare? That could be fun," Mike said, grinning when everyone agreed. Eddie looked over at Richie who seemed more pale than usual and uncharacteristically nervous. 

"Rich, you good?" Eddie whispered, taking a seat in the circle next to him.

"Yeah, just worried if you guy's are gonna make me spill all the hot details about what I do to your mom that makes her squeal like a pig," Richie said, laughing to hide the fact that he was almost terrified. He hated keeping secrets from his friends, but he didn't know if they'd accept him. What if his secret got out? Bowers would probably kill him. He just couldn't risk it. It didn't make it any easier to try lie his way out of things when his friends wouldn't let him pick dare for everything.

"Okay, I'll start. Stan, truth or dare," Bev said, turning to Stan.

"Uh, dare," Stan assumed he would regret this decision. He was proven correct when Bev made him dance like a chicken for 30 seconds. 

"Bill, truth or dare," Stan pointed at him and laughed when he grabbed his finger and shook it like a handshake.

"T-t-ru-uth."

"Excluding Bev, who's the most good looking person here?" Everyone turned to look at Bill who had gone bright red. Eddie almost felt bad for the guy. Stan the Man was brutal at this game.

"Y-y-you," Bill said, looking at the ground and picking at the skin around his nails- a nervous habit he had picked up at 10, around the time his stutter started to become bad.

"Oh," Stan had now turned as red as Bill. The rest of them watched with a bemused expression on their faces. 

"E-e-ed-die, truth or d-d-are?"

"Truth," Eddie braced himself for whatever was about to come.

"Do you prefer you mom or your dad?" Richie smacked Bill's arm and complained that the question was too tame. Nobody acknowledged him.

"My dad. He's a lot more... down to earth, if you will," Eddie said, avoiding eye contact and staring at the ceiling. Only Richie caught the dangerously far off look in his eyes that made it seem like he was slipping from existence.

"Richie, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he said squinting his eyes in determination.

"I dare you to let Bev paint your nails," Eddie said, making eye contact with Richie who's eyes had widened in disbelief.

"Finally! I've been wanting to do it for so long, I can't believe I didn't think of daring him to let me do it. Bless you, Eddie," she kissed him on the cheek and Eddie smiled at the sweet gesture. 

"This is outrageous! I do not stand for this ridiculousness," Richie sat up, folding his arms in anger. Bev went to her bag where she packed nail polish. She tried every weekend to get Richie to let her do his nails. He always refused and claimed they would get all messed up when he was working his magic on Eddie's mom, but the real reason was that he was scared of being too feminine, especially if he forgot to take it off after and ended up running into Bowers.

The Losers continued their game while Bev carefully painted Richie's nails a dark purple that Eddie thought brought out his eyes. They soon grew tired and moved on to play 'Never Have I Ever', where they would all start saying oddly specific things to try and get people out. No one believed it when Stan was forced to put his finger down after Bill had asked if anyone of them had watched porn. 

The real story behind it was that Richie had promised to go birdwatching with Stan if he watched 10 minutes of one that he found in his dad's underwear drawer when looking for cigarettes. Stan had covered his ears the whole time and shut his eyes so tight he didn't believe he'd be able to even open them again. Stan started to explain the story when Richie interrupted him and said it would be a lot cooler if he left it a mystery. Everyone else agreed so Stan dropped it.

Richie couldn't believe when Eddie still had all of his fingers up by the end of it. On the surface level, it could have been cute knowing how innocent he was, but on the other hand he didn't even want to think about how overbearing Eddie's mom must be for him to never have even gone to an arcade, something Richie had asked in a futile attempt to get one of Eddie's fingers down. Richie made a promise to himself to take Eddie out whenever he could to do anything Eddie wanted.

"Eddie, seriously, you can't actually still have all of your fingers up," Richie had put his fingers down every time there wasn't a targeted attack at someone, meaning he was out very quickly.

"Richie, I've told you, my mom is super overprotective. She's just worried and cares about me, that's all," Eddie said, shrugging nonchalantly. Everyone but Bev and Richie dismissed it.

"Whatever you say, Eds," 

"Oh! Eddie, can I paint your nails too? I've got more colours," Bev jumped up and ran to her bag before Eddie could respond. When she came back she had the biggest smile on her face and Eddie couldn't say no. Bev made him sit on the couch where she sat in front of him, took his left hand and began painting his nails a crimson red.

Richie declared he was going to tell the Losers a story so they went from the back of the room to the couches while Richie made up a story that he had made on the spot. He changed his voice to suit the characters and talked so animately that no one could even laugh at the terrible accents because they were so absorbed by his storytelling. Bev finished and Eddie brought up his hands to blow on them to make them dry faster- something he had learned when watching Bev do Richie's nails.

"Okay, well I think I'm going to head off to bed. Being around Richie really takes it out of me," Stan said, walking towards his bag where his pillow and sleeping bag was. Everyone but Richie and Eddie called it quits too and went to grab their stuff to go to sleep. They decided to go to the park down the road so that they wouldn't disturb the others who were sleeping peacefully. Bev and Mike were on the ends; Ben was next to Bev; Stan and Bill were lying in very close proximity next to him.

They walked in silence, taking in the dark scenery. The houses all had their lights turned off, leaving the dull lampposts to illuminate the way. The moon was shining down so bright that white and yellow lights danced on each boy's skin, leaving a halo around them. They walked closer than they had to, but they felt like they needed to make up for the lack of conversation with physical closeness. Their hands brushed against each other, and Richie felt a spark travel up his arm. Eddie pulled his hand away in surprise and folded his arms to try and play it off. 

"Eddie, what is your mom like?"

"What do you mean, Rich?" They sat down on the swings and Richie started pushing himself slightly. Eddie swayed slightly but remained mostly still.

"How do you really feel about her. All you say is that she's protective and takes care of you," Richie said. Eddie took a deep breath.

"She makes me take a lot of pills before school, after school, and before I go to bed. I'm so used to it I can easily dry swallow them. I hate that she never lets me do anything unless I lie to her, which I've only started doing because of you guys. She is smothering but I know she only does it because she loves me so it makes me feel bad for not being grateful. Whenever I don't want to do something she says, she gets all upset and starts crying and screaming and says that I don't love her and that I'm hurting her. She always makes me feel so stupid and delicate and she guilts me fro trying to talk to her about something she does that I don't like. But I know that she loves me and only does it because she cares, so I shouldn't be complaining. God, I'm such a bad person," Eddie put his head in his hands and groaned.

Richie stopped swinging and turned his body to face his. He took Eddie's hands from his face and held them tightly. "Eddie, what your mom is doing to you isn't okay. It's emotional abuse from what it sounds like. Just because she cares about you and she's doing it out of love doesn't make it okay," Richie was looking so intently into Eddie's eyes that he felt daggers go through him. Warm, love stricken daggers.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, Eds. You can tell me anything."

"You're my best friend. I don't think I'll ever find someone else like you."

"Me too."

"Can I tell you something else?"

"Always."

"My dad's... my dad's dead." Richie pulled Eddie's hands so that he would stand up and sat him on his lap so the two were facing each other. Richie slipped his arms around Eddie's waist and hugged him so tightly that Eddie felt like nothing could ever harm him again.

"I'm so sorry, Eds. Thank you for telling me, though. I appreciate it. When did it happen?"

"When I was five. It was cancer. We weren't able to pay for the stuff he needed to keep him alive. I can remember us being an actual family. Now she thinks that everything is going to give me a disease and if I don't take my pills I'll die."

"That must be so hard for you. You don't deserve this, Eds,"

"I'm sorry you have to deal with me!" Eddie started crying, and Richie knew he had to just be there for his best friend. He held him for a while and tried to think of something to say.

"Eddie, nothing could stop me from taking care of you. Not even death. I'd simply watch over you as a guardian devil." Eddie choked out a strangled laugh and stopped crying.

"Don't you mean guardian angel?"

"Have you met me, Eds?" Richie laughed and put his index fingers on the side of his head to mimic horns.

"You're a guardian angel if I've ever seen one," Eddie took one of Richie's hands and circled it above his head to make a halo.

"Nah, there's plenty good reasons I'll never see the big man in the sky. I prefer the hot anyways,"

"No you don't! You always complain about how hot it is. You can wear shorts, you know," Richie playfully flicked Eddie's forehead.

"The ladies would simply die if they saw that much Tozier. I'm sure you wouldn't be able to control yourself either, Eds." Eddie blushed a furious red that Richie thought nicely complemented his red nails.

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"Only on special occasions. Meaning never. You will never get me to shut up."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six lads, lets go! 
> 
> Trigger warnings: Depression and self-harm mentions

"Eds. You, me, my house. Sleepover tonight. Make it date babe."

"Richie, do you ever shut the fuck up? And yeah, but I'll have to call my mom to tell her that we need to finish a project for tomorrow and will be working on it way too late for it to be safe for me to walk alone on the streets."

After Richie's parents had decided that they needed a break from their busy work lives, they decided they were going to go on a trip to... wherever they were going to go. Richie has found a note on the kitchen table that Thursday with nothing but five hundred dollars in cash and a note saying 'Dear Richie, we tried to wake you up to tell you, but your father got an offer to stay at the hotel in Bangor if he would speak at a dental conference. We're not sure when we'll be back, but we'll try be back as soon as possible. Love, mom and dad.' As nice as it would have been for Richie to have the house to himself and not have to constantly worry about his every move, every noise he made, what he wore, what he said, he couldn't help but spiral every time he was left alone.

His parents often went away on trips like these, as his dad was a pretty prominent person in the dental community having written a pretty popular thesis on... something dental related that Richie was too busy thinking about the way his socks felt on his feet to listen to. This often left Richie plenty of time to sit in silence and just think. Thinking about anything other than school, or his friends, was never good for Richie. It made him want to do bad things. Things he knew he should never do, but that didn't really matter to him all that much by that point. He always stopped before he could do any real damage to himself, but he always hated having to face his friends and pretend like everything was fine. His solution: bring Eddie over for a sleepover.

Eddie always managed to make things better. Richie wouldn't have to be in that house alone. He could be with his best friend. His best friend who he trusted with his life. He knew he wouldn't even think about doing something with Eddie there. It would be the perfect distraction- for a night. He decided not to dwell on what he was going to do on all the other nights. His parents could be gone for a month at most.

"If you think I could shut my mouth, don't you think I would little guy? Getting my ass beat by Bowers because I don't know how to stop talking really isn't my favourite activity, believe it or not," Richie forced a laugh, something he had perfected over the years.

"I'm sorry. I really need to stop saying that," Eddie's eyes shifted downwards and he rubbed the back of his neck. Richie looked up in surprise.

"No one's ever apologised for telling me to shut up before. Guess you're the first. Wonder what else you'll be my first for," Eddie swatted him on the shoulder.

"Gross, Richie!"

"I was talking about going on a road trip, Eds. Why do you have to make everything so vulgar? Are we really sure I'm the dirty minded one here?" Eddie looked at the floor, embarrassed that he had jumped to conclusions. He also knew that a bright blush was blooming on his face from the idea of going on a road trip with Richie. How magical that trip will be.

"Oh, sorry. It's just... you always make those jokes."

"It's alright, Eds. No need to be jealous of your mom."

"Oh you're fucking dead!" Eddie chased Richie down the hallways and out of the school where the last bell had gone ages ago.

Richie had put up a good fight, but started to get tired worryingly fast. Eddie was the one with asthma after all. His long, lanky legs helped him gain a couple yards on Eddie, who was furiously trying to keep up. For someone that only went up to Richie's shoulder, he was doing pretty good. Once Richie had stopped and looked back, he could see that Eddie was barely puffing. He sat down on the curb of the road and tried to get his breath back.

Eventually, Eddie caught up and grabbed Richie's wrist to give him a Chinese burn, but stopped when he had to squeeze nearly his entire hand to get it around Richie's wrist the right way. Richie didn't even flinch. "Jesus, Richie. Why is your wrist practically the size of those arcade coins you always have? And how the hell did that not hurt you? I've been told I have the best Chinese burn. Bev told me herself."

"To answer your bombardment of questions, my entire body is ridiculously lanky, if you have not already realised. If not for the fact that I am 6'3 is not disturbing enough, my metabolism is extremely high, meaning that whatever body fat I do have is just distributed exactly throughout my height, leaving me just a comedic sack of bones in a meat bag."

"Why the fuck did you have to say it like that?"

"Cool your tits, Eds. Second of all, I have a very high pain tolerance. If there's one thing I have learned from my tears on this earth, it is how to deal with pain every now and then. Thank you Henry," Richie laughed, making Eddie feel better. He could still tell that something wasn't right, but he felt like he needed to let Richie tell him whatever was going on by his own terms, meaning where and when and what to say.

"Whatever. I'm faster than you, by the way. I was just letting you win because I wanted to at least give you some kind of chance. Not that it worked out in your favour by any means, but you have to appreciate the favour," Richie noticed how animatedly Eddie talked with his hands, flinging them about it weird and flamboyant gestures. Just one more thing to find cute about him. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 

"Why thank you, dear Eds. How can I ever repay you for the kindness you have shown to me?" Richie bowed down and got on his knees in front of Eddie. 

"Get the fuck up, Richie. And there is one thing you can do." Richie looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"And that would be?"

"Teach me how to skate."

"Seriously? You know I would just about do anything for you, and you choose to make me teach you how to skate. I'm almost disappointed." Richie pinched himself for going too far, and Eddie stared at him with an expression Richie couldn't quite place. Disgust, probably. 

"Okay, fine. You have to show up to the next loser's sleepover in a dress and wear it for the entire thing." Richie closed his eyes and a wisp of a smile grew onto his face. 

"Damn, Eds. I didn't know you had that in you. Sure is questionable, though, how you'd want me in a dress. Some kind of weird kink fantasy?" Eddie punched his arm and Richie could tell he was going to do something else to him so he started running back to his house before Eddie could catch up. He managed to just make it to his house and was reaching to lock the door when Eddie burst in through the door behind him. "Fucking hell, Eddie. How are you so fast for someone with legs the size of Stan's dick and asthma so bad you have to use your inhaler at least twenty times a day?"

"Just lucky, I guess. And how would you know how big Stan's dick is?" Richie chose to ignore the question and went to his kitchen to get Eddie something to eat. Eddie had told him how his mom would only bake disgusting vegetable concoctions, and he was determined to be the one that would give him actual food. It made him feel good knowing he was helping someone else.

Eddie sat on the couch and Richie returned with a bowl of chips. He handed them to Eddie, who took them gratefully. Eddie stood up to get water, and found the note still sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Richie, what's this?" He asked, pointing to the sheet.

"Uh, my parents are going away on a trip." 

"Oh, that's cool. All the Loser's really should just take a day trip somewhere this year. Bill turns sixteen in September, doesn't he? He could drive us somewhere and we could just spend the weekend together out fo this hellhole." 

"That sounds like a brilliant fucking plan. We gotta tell the others when we see them on tomorrow."

"Speaking of the others, why didn't you ask them to join us. Also, why tonight and not on the weekend?"

"Oh, you know, the idea just came into my head and by that point it would have been too late to try find the others and knew I wouldn't be bothered to call all of them tonight. Besides, I doubt any of them would be able to come, and unlike you they're not sneaky enough or willing to lie to their parents about their whereabouts." 

"Rich, we both know that's bullshit," Eddie had picked up on Richie's expressions throughout the weeks of staring at him. His tell for lying was raising his left eyebrow and blinking way too fast.

"Jeez, Eds, what are you? A human lie detector?" Richie tried to laugh it off, picking at a loose thread on his jeans.

"No, but I am a Richie lie detector, so just tell me the real reason, because I'll know."

Richie sighed, leaning back into the couch and staring at a stain on the ceiling where he had thrown spaghetti to see if it would stick. It did not. "I just... I hate being alone in this house. It's too fucking big. i know that I always end up staying in my room like always, but just knowing that my parents aren't here just makes me kind of spiral. I figured having you here would make it better, but I didn't want to say anything because i thought you'd find me weak," Eddie was so happy that Richie was comfortable enough to open up, but it was still heartbreaking to hear how alone Richie felt.

"Richie, I'm always going to be here for you, okay? I'll never think you're weak. My mom has spent my whole life convincing me that I am, though, but we're nothing alike so I can say for certain that you are very strong," Eddie placed his hand on Richie's knee, hoping that physical contact would make Richie feel better. 

Richie feel Eddie's hand on his leg, and it felt like maybe it would be okay. "Eddie, please don't say you're weak. You have to deal with your mom constantly, you stuck up to Bowers to protect me, and you are the only person so far that has actually proven to be able to deal with me. So yes, I'd say you're the strongest person I know." 

Even though Richie refused to look away from the ceiling, the moment felt very intimate. Eddie knew he shouldn't like how Richie made him feel, but who was he to deny finally feeling happy for once in his life.

"Thanks, Rich. I don't mean to pry, but when you said that you spiral, what did you mean?" Richie took a second to collect his thoughts and turned to face Eddie. His doe-eyes seemed so big when Eddie was concerned, and in the light Richie relished in how much it made the light sprinkle of freckles on his cheeks stand out. He vowed that one day he would count how many there were.

"I'll just be lying on my bed, reading comics or listening to music and these thoughts will just start coming into my head. They don't seem to be my own, and whatever rational sense is overpowered by them. It gets so loud, but the silence is deafening, too. It's an internal battle, really, and I never win. They make me want to," Richie paused, debating whether or not he wanted to share this much with Eddie, but his grip on Richie's thigh only tightened, letting him know that he wanted Richie to let him in,"hurt myself."

Eddie took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. How could Richie want to do those things to himself? He was so perfect, in every way. Clearly no one had ever told him so. Eddie made a promise to himself that he would make Richie understand how wrong his inner demons were. "Have you ever done anything to yourself before?"

"I mean, whenever I say something stupid or I just want to... want to feel pain I pinch my thighs. But that's it, I promise," Eddie felt relieved, but also sick that Richie actually listened to the voices. Eddie reached over and pulled Richie into the tightest hug he had ever received. 

"Promise me you'll never do anything more than that?" 

"I promise, spaghetti," Richie said, crossing his fingers away from Eddie's line of vision. He hated having to lie, but knowing himself it was only a matter of time before it would escalate, and letting Eddie down would be the thing that hurt the most. 

"As much as I'd like to continue this, I do have to call my mom to let her know I'm staying," Eddie pulled away from the hug and made his way to the phone. Reluctantly pressing the numbers, he held the phone up to his ear. It rang twice before his mom answered.

"Sonia Kaspbrak speaking, what do you want?" 

"It's me, momma. Listen, I'm over at Richie's working on a project for science, but we want to make it extra good, but it'll be so late when we finish. I'd be too scared to walk across the road at night. Who knows what is lurking in the dark?" Richie stared at Eddie, unbelieving that he was manipulating his mom into letting him stay. He knew Eddie was badass, but not capable of completely twisting his mother's abuse to his own advantage.

"Eddie! How dare you not come home immediately! You know the rules, baby, and I'm very disappointed in you. I'm sure that Richie can finish it on his own, I want you home this instant. You must not be feeling well, you've never disobeyed me before." Eddie flinched as she started shouting into the phone, holding it away so that he wouldn't rupture his eardrums and suffer from permanent hearing loss. 

Richie watched as Eddie shrunk into himself, all bravery seemingly vanished. He noticed the way Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, his left fist curled into a fist as he received the yelling. That woman must be evil.

"Mommy, please, that's not nice of me to leave Richie alone to do the project," He grimaced at 'mommy', hating having to say it front of Richie, but it was the only way he felt might make her calm down.

"No! I will not stand for this. Either you come on you own, or I will bust down the door and drag you myself. Are we clear?" Eddie knew it was a losing battle, so he swallowed his pride and muttered a tiny 'yes' into the phone, still holding it to his ear after being hung up on.

"Eds, you okay?" Richie walked over to Eddie and took the phone from his hands, placed it on the wall, and took both of them.

"She scares me, Richie. So much. I can't ever win. It doesn't matter what I do or say, I can never win against her. I don't care what you say, I'll never be strong like you. I can't even stand up to my own mother so that I can be there for you. Im sorry I'm such a shitty friend, Rich," Eddie felt tears fall, and Richie reached up to wipe them away. He couldn't help but feel happy as Eddie leaned into his touch.

"Eds, come on, I promised that I wouldn't do anything, and it's not like they don't do this all the time. I'll be fine, I swear," holding out a pinkie, Eddie accepted and laughed at Richie.

"Okay, fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Rich," he watched as Eddie walked to the front door and out of sight. He decided to go to his room, knowing the fate that would come only a mere few hours away.

After his fifth repeat of his happiest mixtape, small drops of tears started to fall from Richie's face as the thoughts started to flow in. Worthless piece of shit. You don't deserve anything. How can you burden Eddie with your shit, when he's got it so much worse. You're weak, and you deserve to be punished. How can you live with yourself knowing that you made Eddie worried about you instead of himself?

He switched over the tapes and he played the tape that made him feel sadder. It was almost therapeutic in a way, to make himself more sad. He didn't know why it helped. But it did. At least, that's what he felt. He spent the rest of the day and well into the night staring at his ceiling, not bothering to change out of his clothes. Moving was simply too much of an effort. 

Meanwhile, Eddie was furiously scribbling in his journal about the day. How his mom was grounding him for a week; how everything was so stupid and so unfair and why does everything have to happen to him. He wished he could be with Richie, joking around with him instead of being locked in his room like a fucking prisoner

Eddie was sitting at his desk, drawing the outside view when he looked out of his window at around 2 am and noticed Richie. He was sitting by his window, leaning against the wall with his headphones on. Limbs were tangled around each other, gangly arms gripped tight against his lanky legs. Even from the distance, Eddie could see how deep in thought and heavy Richie looked. Not physically, of course. The boy was a stick, after all. Eddie felt the emotional weight that Richie must constantly have to drag around and pretend doesn't exist.

He wanted to kick himself. How can I be sitting over here, too scared to sneak out in case mom comes? What, am I so weak I can't stand up to her for once. Pathetic. You're too scared to do anything while Richie need you. How can you call yourself his friend? Eddie was too busy in his own mind to realise that he had caught the attention of Richie, who was simply so deep in his own mind that even looking at Eddie did nothing.

I never have opened up, Richie thought. How are you going to face him again knowing that you fucking burdened him with you problems? A deep sigh escaped his lips, and he decided it would be best to just try and get to sleep. Sleeping in that house alone was one of the things he hated the most. It didn't feel safe. He always feeling like someone was watching him, and being alone only intensified that feeling. This was a secret meant only for him, though. A teenage boy who was still scared of monsters in his room at night. Imagine.

Eddie recounted what happened when he got home, and he nearly punched his wall out of sheer anger. Sonia was sitting on the recliner, eyes set on the door. "Why didn't you come straight home, Eddie?" 

"I told you, we were working on a project and I didn't think it was going to take as long as it did, so I thought I'd just be home an hour later than usual." Eddie shrugged his shoulders and began walking to his room. His mom stood up out of her chair, almost making it a point to go as slowly as she could. Eddie began to walk back faster, but she gripped his wrist with such force Eddie wondered what she could have possibly done in her spare time to give her that wrist strength. 

"You know I wouldn't have let you stay over, sweetie, and how would that have been fair to me to walk over to make sure you got across the street safely?" Eddie didn't respond. Her grip tightened even further. "You aren't lying to me about what you were doing, are you?"

Eddie hesitated. "N-no mommy." 

"Liar!" Sonia began to weep hysterically, hugging her son in a death grip. He could barely breath. "How could you do this to me, Eddie? After everything I've done for you, and you go behind my back like this. That's it. You won't be able to go to school either. And now I'm grounding you for a week! Go to your room, you stupid boy!"

Eddie ran so fast he wasn't sure it even took him more than seven seconds to get up those stairs and to his room again. He sat on his bed, breathing in and out heavily. By the time ten minutes had passed, Eddie began to think it wasn't just his asthma acting up. What was this? He had never heard about anything like this before. It did feel awfully similar to all those other times he had to use his inhaler. It had never been that intense, of course. So much for going to apologise.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I thought I'd actually start talking to you guys now that people are actually reading my story, which I didn't think y'all would do. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and voted on my story, you have no idea how much it means to me. I know this fic is really angsty but it feels better putting my emotions into my writing to express how I feel, because I don't like doing that in real life. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story xx
> 
> Possible trigger warning: Homophobic language, but no f slur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I thought I'd actually start talking to you guys now that people are actually reading my story, which I didn't think y'all would do. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and left a kudos on my story, you have no idea how much it means to me. I know this fic is really angsty but it feels better putting my emotions into my writing to express how I feel, because I don't like doing that in real life. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story xx
> 
> Possible trigger warning: Homophobia, bu no f slu

"Tozier! Kaspbrak! Is there something you would like to share with the class?" Eddie looked up from where he was currently hiding his head in his arms in a futile attempt to get Richie to leave him the fuck alone. He had been more restless that morning, a clear sign of a lack of sleep. Richie hadn't been able to stop tapping his pencil on his desk, bouncing his legs up and down and up and down in an almost hypnotic way. For Eddie, it was so fucking obnoxious that he had actually kicked Richie to try and get him to stop. 

Richie had promptly leaned over to Eddie's desk and attempted to tap and flick his face. Richie's reasoning for this was that he wanted any kind of attention from his Eds. Eddie had slapped his hand away, grumbling something under his breath about how much he hated Richie, who had in turn taken to poking his stomach. Eddie had flipped out, pinching Richie as hard as he could before taking refuge in his arms to try and block out Richie's constant babble. Apparently they had made too much noise to remain incognito, as they were being yelled at by their biology teacher. "Sorry sir! He wouldn't leave me alone. I've been trying to get him to stop," Richie pointed at Eddie, pulling an innocent face in an attempt to put the blame on Eddie. How fucking dare he.

"That is completely fucking false and you know it !" Eddie pointed right back, before realising he had sworn in front of a teacher and sank into his desk as if it could hide him from the world.

"That's it. Detention for the both of you. I don't want to hear a single sound come from either of you, or I'll extend it to the rest of this week. Got it?" Both boys nodded their head, and Eddie had stared daggers into Richie for the remainder of the lesson.

They were dismissed, and Eddie packed up his things as fast as he could so that he wouldn't have to talk to Richie. He had plans to go over to Beverly's house after school. Her dad was out for the week on some kind of business trip, meaning that she could actually have the Loser's over without, well, punishment. It was no secret that her dad was fucked when she came into school one day with a black eye and as little skin showing as possible when it was starting to get hot as balls outside. 

"Eds! Wait up!" Richie called, his long legs allowing to catch up to the shorter by who never seemed to be able to escape the other.

"That's not my fucking name. I can't believe you did this, Richie. I had plans, and now I have to spend my fucking Monday afternoon with you," Eddie tried to spit as much venom as he could into the words, trying to forget the intimate moment they had shared a couple of weeks before. Their dynamic was always so confusing. One moment they were at each other's throats, the next being super intimate in a way that was so out of character for the both of them they ever mentioned it.

"Oh, come on, you could do worse and you know it," Richie playfully punched his arm, and Eddie kicked is leg out in an attempt to trip his lanky counterpart. Richie was fully aware of what he was doing though, and he dramatically pretend to fall over it in slow motion, making a point to drag Eddie down with him. Eddie tried to break away, but Richie was surprisingly strong for someone who was more bone that anything else. 

"Richie, stop! You're blocking people for fucks sake," Eddie scrambled out of Richie's tight grasp, who frowned at the lack of closeness. He started walking again, leaving Richie on the ground. Surely he would leave him alone now. He was proven wrong when he felt an arm being slung over his shoulders and he was being pulled into someone else. "Richie , I swear to god I am so fucking close to just kicking you in the nuts right now," Richie just laughed, which pissed Eddie off even more.

"Now, now, Eds. We wouldn't want my massive package being crushed, now would we? Your mother sure would be disappointed, and we don't want that," Richie only barely stepped out of the way as Eddie's leg swung up right near his oh so precious cargo. "Shit, Eds! I didn't think you were actually serious," He ruffled Eddie's hair, and wondered if he actually did have a death wish. He was saved when Eddie had reached his art class and started to walk inside. "Draw me, Eddie Spaghetti." 

Richie knew exactly where to strike to make Eddie's blood boil, no matter how nice he was when they were genuinely alone and being serious with each other. It confused Eddie how different Richie was when it was just the two of them. It almost seemed like the Richie he had always known, the funny and carefree Richie, almost seemed fake. Eddie hoped Richie really wasn't just faking his happiness all the time. 

Eddie sat down in his seat next to Bill, who had laughed at the grumpy expression on the short boy's face. "Richie getting you all worked up again?" Bill wagged his eyebrows at Eddie, who scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes! He doesn't know when to stop, and he always says the things that he knows annoys me the most," Eddie talked animatedly with his hands, much to the amusement of Bill.

"Come on, it's like children in a playground. You know, where the guy pulls on the girl's pigtails because he likes her?"

"Fuck off Bill, the only person Richie has a crush on is my mom. Besides, there's no way he'd ever like me," Eddie said, pulling out his sketchbook and beginning to work on their latest project.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, man. All I'm saying is that you guys fight more than the rest of us, and it's always for no reason. Seems like there's a bit of tension between you two, if you know what I mean," Eddie looked up at Bill, blushing furiously. 

"Shut the fuck up, Bill. You have no idea what you're talking about. Richie just likes to pick on me the most out of all of us. And I'd never date him anyway. I'm not gay," Eddie scowled, making a point to avoid eye contact with Bill.

"I never said you were. But, you know, there's nothing wrong with it, Eddie. We'd all be okay with it if you were," Eddie's head shot up, and Bill knew he fucked up.

"I'm not fucking gay, Bill. Everyone knows it's wrong. A disease." Eddie's mom had told him countless stories of how dirty and disgusting gay people were, how they were the most likely to catch infections from each other. It was just something that was wrong with you. 

"Surely you don't actually believe that, Eddie?" Bill looked hurt, but Eddie was too focused on drawing to see the pained look in his friend's eyes. 

"I do. Now please, can we just stop talking about this? Just focus on your work," Bill guessed it was a sensitive subject for Eddie, but it still hurt to hear his friend talk like that. 

"Fine, Eddie. But I hope you know that's a really dick thing of you to say. You're sound just like Bowers when you talk like that," Bill knew it was a low shot, but he couldn't help it. He hated when people were biased for no reason. 

"Fuck you, Bill."

The remainder of the day was spent with Eddie ignoring everyone, especially Richie. When it was time for lunch, he was almost dreading going to sit down, knowing Bill would be there. How could he compare me to Bowers? I don't fucking beat the shit out of everyone and bully them for things they can't control. Richie and Bev were already there, talking about how they were going to steal some cigarettes from the pharmacy after school as they were both running low. 

"Hey, Eds. Still ignoring me?" 

"Rich, what did you do this time?" Bev asked, narrowing her eyes at Richie who put his hands up in defence. 

"Nothing out of the ordinary, I swear. He's been like this ever since his art class. Guess someone shoved a pencil up his ass," Richie poked Eddie's shoulder, who immediately stood up and walked away. 

"Nice one, Richie. Hey, Eddie, wait up!" Bev ran after him, catching up easily. Even she was taller than Eddie.

"What, Bev?" Eddie tried to seem mad, but he was failing. Bev had done nothing wrong, and he hated being mean when people didn't deserve it. 

"Hey, are you okay? You're acting weird," Bev lead them to the courtyard outside, where nobody went unless they were skipping class.

Eddie sighed," Yeah, I'm fine. Just something Bill said," Eddie shifted his gaze downwards, not really wanting to have that conversation. 

"Oh. What did he say?" The amount of concern in Bev's voice made Eddie feel guilty, but he didn't understand why. 

"He said that I was just like Bowers," Eddie mumbled, shrugging his shoulders.

'What? Why would he say that?" 

"It was so stupid. He said something about Richie always teasing me because he had a crush on me, and then I said that he'd never have a crush on me anyway, and the Bill started talking about how there was always something weird between me and Richie. I got defensive and said that I would never date him because I'm not gay, and he said that it was okay if I was. Obviously no one ever taught him that it was a disease," Eddie looked at Bev, who seemed shocked.

"Ed... Eddie, it's not a disease. There really is nothing wrong with it. Who told you it was?" Bev seemed genuinely curious, which is the only reason he answered. 

"Well, my mom. She never lies about anything. She told me because she wants to protect me. Thats why I have to take all these pills. They help me," Eddie furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Two of his friends really thought that it was alright to be gay?

"Eddie. Parents lie. All the time. Even about stuff like this. Jesus, I can't believe no ones ever had this talk with you," Beverly pulled him into a hug, which stunned Eddie so much that he didn't even think to hug back. Bev pulled away, looking at him with concern. "Listen, Eddie, don't believe what your mom tells you about this stuff, okay? There's nothing wrong with it, and it's especially not a disease."

"People can choose not to be, though. That's what I don't understand. Why would you choose a life where the risk of infection is so high?" Bev stared at him with the most bewildered expression he'd ever seen. 

"Do you really think that people can help it?"

"Well, yeah. That's... that's what my mom said."

"She's wrong Eddie. I can't believe she'd put those ideas in your head. Please don't believe what she says."

"Bev, she's my mom. How can I not trust her?"

"Eddie, I understand that this is going to be hard for you to try and change your mindset, but please do it for us. I mean, all of us Losers have something that we get bullied for, and being gay is no different. we can't help who we are, and we get lots of shit for it. If you can accept us for who we are, then you should accept gay people as well." 

Eddie didn't say anything, but instead slid down the wall to sit down. "I want to believe you, Bev. But it's so hard to just completely stop believing something that I've had shoved down my throat since I was five." Bev pulled him into a hug, only hugging tighter when she felt him begin to sob. "She wouldn't lie to me, Bev."

"She thinks all of things are true, but they're not. She thinks she's helping you. I'm so sorry, Eddie."

"Whatever."

Eddie regained his composure, and stood up to leave, "Come on, we better head to class. The bell's about to ring," Bev nodded, and they awkwardly made their way to their lockers. 

-*-

"Ah, Spaghetti, just the man I'm looking for. Shall we head to detention, my good fellow," Richie brought on the British Guy voice, receiving him a pinch from Eddie.

"I can't fucking believe you made me get detention, dickwad," Richie brought his arm over Eddie and guided him towards the classroom where it was held, neither boy pulling away until they reached the classroom. 

"Well, this should be fun, right Eds?" Richie elbowed Eddie, who looked exasperated.

"That's not my fucking name. How many times do I have to say that until you get that through your thick fucking skull. I swear, you don't even have a fucking brain up there."

"Ah, you see, my straight A report cards would beg to differ," Eddie snorted, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, right, Richie. You with straight A's? You can barely pay attention in class!" While that was true, Richie did have a natural talent at school. It baffled all of his teaches when they would grade his tests, which were nearly perfect ever time. He had been called out for cheating multiple times, but when no one could prove it he was let off the hook. 

The principal walked in at that moment, a bucket and metal spatulas in hand. "For detention today, you will be scraping the gum from under every desk in every classroom on this entire floor. if you're not done by 5 then you will continue it tomorrow," he dropped the bucket on the ground,"Get scraping."

Richie stood up and turned around, dragging Eddie up by his hands. They each got a bucket and started scraping under the desks. "This is fucking disgusting. It's not that hard to just stand up and walk to a bin," Eddie said, trying to avoid actually touching the gum. He was successful up until he felt something hit his arm. He looked to the floor and saw it was a fresh piece of newly chewed gum, probably from last period. "Richie, I am going to murder you."

"Eddie, please, you have to believe me when I say I really did not mean to do that. It just flung out! I don't even know how that was physically possible, I swear," Eddie took a deep breath, and it took everything he had in him to reach into his bucket to pull out a piece of gum himself. He started walking over to Richie, who shot up and started backing away. 

"You put this on yourself, whether or not it was an accident. Now, this is payback for all the times you've pissed me off," Eddie reached up to place the gum into Richie's hair, who swiftly grabbed Eddie's wrist. Eddie just switched the gum into the other hand, meaning Richie had to grab on to both wrists. Neither broke eye contact, and Richie started pushing Eddie forward in an attempt to save his precious hair.

They only broke apart once Richie felt himself push Eddie up against the wall. Both boys were blushing furiously, and Eddie walked back over to the desk he was working on as an attempt to ignore Richie. 

"Well, Eds. That was a pretty compromising situation if I do say so myself. You know, I'd rather it be your mom, but I guess it'll have to do," Eddie blushed even deeper, mumbling something about how Richie was the biggest asshole he had ever met. The boys spent the rest of detention replaying what happened over and over, not saying a word to each other. 

Eddie glanced over at Richie every so often, and couldn't deny the weird burning sensation in his chest. What Eddie didn't know was that Richie was doing the same thing, and the one time they did make eye contact, both boys swore the world around them seemed to melt away.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck this is a long chapter. Sorry everything is really dramatic and lot's of fight scenes. I enjoy writing it, and the angsty stuff is me venting through characters. Sorry if I get the character personalities wrong, I've been trying to do more accurate representation of each of them, but I know it's not perfect. Hope you enjoy the story so far, though! <3
> 
> Trigger warning: Thoughts of depression, homophobia, beatings

"Richie, I swear that I will bash your fucking head in if you keep on cheating. It's not fair!" Eddie whined, speech slightly muffled by the lollipop he was sucking on, and pouting at Richie, who had been grabbing Eddie's arms with one hand every time the shorter boy came close to winning. 

"I have no idea what you are insinuating, but by the sounds of it you are implying that I am not playing fair. I have to inform you, good sir, that the simply adorableness of your face when you are trying to concentrate on the game is enough to make any man or woman falter under your spell," Richie reached over to pinch his cheeks, but his arm was slapped away before being able to.

"Stop trying to pinch my cheeks. And I'm not adorable, or cute, or any other thing you call me that relates to my level of attractiveness, so shut the fuck up," Richie stared at him in disbelief. Did he really not think he was cute, with his overalls and big sweaters and those eyes. I could drown in those eyes and I'd be thankful. "Richie? Earth to Richie," Eddie waved his hand in front of Richie, who's hand fell to his thigh to pinch himself for thinking such thoughts.

"Sorry, was just zoning out and thinking about how good of a fuck I gave your mother last night. If you think I'm speechless, wait till you get home. I doubt she'll be able to talk for days," Richie turned to place another coin in the slot to start another game, and Eddie sighed in defeat knowing that he would cheat his way into winning again. 

The two were fully engrossed in the game, Eddie was starting to beat Richie which meant that the hand-grabbing would ensue at any moment. Eddie decided to beat him at his own game, but with words because even though Richie had zero body-fat, he was still stronger than Eddie. "You know, Rich, sucking on this lollipop is great and all, but there sure is something else I'd like to suck on. Think you could help me with that?" 

Richie froze, his mind short-circuiting as he tried to process what Eddie had said. He knew it was only a joke, but he couldn't stop himself from being unable to function. Eddie smirked as he continue to beat up Richie's avatar, killing with with a final punch. "HA! Yes, I finally beat you. Feels bad being cheated out of wining, doesn't it?" Eddie raised his eyebrows at Richie, who had still yet said anything. 

"I, uh, that was... totally unfair! You can't just say stuff like that, you dirty cheater. At least what I did was slightly respectable. You were downright mean," Eddie scoffed, but still unable to keep a smile off of his face after finally beating Richie at a game. 

"Come on, you know you can't stay mad at me. I'm 'too cute', or something," Richie smiled and messed with Eddie's hair. "Stop fucking with my hair, you know I hate it," Richie reached forward to do it again when Eddie raised his arm to do the same to Richie, who immediately sank into the touch and closed his eyes. "Jesus, Rich, how touch starved are you?"

Richie pointedly decided against telling him the truth, and opted to laugh it off like it was nothing. "Come on, Eds, your mom gives me all the touching I need," Eddie wanted to pretend like he couldn't see the the sadness is Richie's eyes where his smile didn't quite meet.

"Richie, are you okay?" The question was so unprompted that Richie as once again launched into silence. 

He opened his mouth to spin some lie about how he was never better, being at the arcade with his favourite person in the whole world, but it seemed like too much effort. He was so tired of faking a smile to Eddie, who he knew would be there to comfort him. "I don't know. I mean, a lot of the time I'm great, and I'm happy and laughing with my friends, but then I'll go home and just lie on my bed and I just feel so sad and empty. When it gets bad I feel this heaviness in my chest that just weighs me down, and I feel like I can't move. Sometimes it's so bad that I can't bring myself to go to school," Richie focused intently on the floor, scared that he shared too much. 

He ran through all the times he felt depressed over the past couple months. His mental health had slowly been getting worse as every day passed, even with Eddie there. Hours would pass, and all he could do was stare at his ceiling in the dark, listening to his sad playlist on repeat, not able to so much as go to the bathroom. Days would go by and he wouldn't be able to bring himself to eat. Those times were worse when he also had to go to school. The hunger made him irritable, and it took everything in him not to snap at every single thing his friends said that bothered him. 

During those times, Eddie was always a ray of light in the darkness that was beginning to consume him. All it took was a smile, or for Eddie to wrap his and around Richie's waist when they were sitting down for him to think that maybe it would be okay someday, that he would wake up and realise that he was truly happy. As the days went on that thought seemed to drift further and further away, until Richie decided it was unattainable for someone like him.

"Richie, you don't deserve to feel that way. That sounds so horrible, I can't imagine ever feeling so sad you can't move. Listen, I'll go out today and get some long-range walkie-talkies, so that if you're ever feeling like that I'll come over. Sound good?" Richie was near tears; no on had ever been this nice to him. 

"I feel like such a burden. I don't want to make you come over just because I'm feeling bad. It's not fair to you. I shouldn't even be telling you this stuff, Eds, I'm the only one who should have to deal with it," Richie sighed, looking dejectedly at the floor when Eddie's hand came up to cup Richie's chin which forced him to make eye contact.

"Richie, don't ever feel like a burden. What you're going through sounds horrible and painful, and if I could I'd never leave your side just so that you always have someone with you. Never feel like you can't talk to me about anything, okay? Even though we met this year, I feel closer to you than anyone else, and I hope that you feel the same and that you trust me enough to let me help you get through this,"

"Eds, I-"

"Well, looks like we have a couple of fairies here, don't we boys," Riche and Eddie split apart like they were on fire, and looked to where Henry and his gang were standing, sneering at them. 

"Leave us alone, Bowers, we don't want to deal with your shit today. Go get a hobby that does't include harassing people," Richie felt Eddie kick him gently in the shins in an attempt to shut him up, but that was the one thing Richie never learned how to do.

"If I'm not the one harassing people, then who else is going to deal with the little fags of this town. It's disgusting how you think you can just show yourself in public and expect me not to beat the shit out of you," Richie kept his harsh glare trained on Bowers as Eddie reached into his fanny pack to retrieve his inhaler. Bowers snatched it out of his hands and threw it on the ground, crushing it beneath his feet.

"You dick, he's having an asthma attack! Why would you do that shit, huh? Leave him the fuck alone," Henry laughed as Richie pulled Eddie close in an attempt to protect him. 

"Because he deserved it, you queer. Boys, why don't we show these fags how we deal with people like them?" Victor and Patrick grabbed Richie and Eddie, dragging them outside of the arcade through the backdoor and into the alleyway to avoid adult confrontation. 

"Henry, leave him alone. All of you can beat me up, I don't care, just let him go!" Riche trashed against Victor, who's grip was beginning to bruise against his wrists. 

"Oh, all of us can't. We still need to have Patrick holding onto him. Make sure he doesn't do something stupid like defend his pathetic boyfriend, right?" 

"Let him go, please," Richie begged, but he knew it was futile. Victor shoved Richie to the ground, allowing for Henry and Belch began to walk towards him. As long as they weren't hurting Eddie, it was worth it.

"Don't fucking touch him. I swear, I'll kill you all," Eddie struggled against Patrick, who had taken a liking to gripping him by his waist. His touch made Edie feel sick to the stomach, but he was not strong enough to get out of the death grip. 

"Hey, pipsqueak, stop talking right now or I'll make sure you won't be able to walk for weeks, yeah?" Patrick whispered in Eddie's ear, causing shivers to go down his spine. There was something that was so sinister about Patrick's presence, more so than any of the Bowers gang. It was enough for Eddie to shut up, but he couldn't help but cry out for help once Henry and Belch began kicking and stepping on Richie in the back and ribs, his glasses falling off during the process to be left forgotten.

"Please! You're going to fucking kill him! Stop, you stupid dickheads, I'm going to kick the shit out of you if you don't let us go right now," Patrick just tightened his grip and chuckled. As feral as Eddie was, he was still only 5'4 and barely came up to the shoulders of Patrick. 

Henry and Belch continuously kicked at Richie's chest and back until Henry decided he had finally gotten bored of the anguished cries coming from Richie's mouth, broken only by sobs. He never once begged them to stop. Henry backed up, Belch following his lead, and pulled Richie up by his shirt collar. Richie's head hung limp, a steady pool of blood flowing from a major gash on the side of his face, courtesy of Henry's rings that served as a set of brass knuckles. Eddie could tell he was barely conscious from the way his eyes would close and open in a battle to stay awake.

Eddie's screaming was drowned out long ago by Patrick clamping his hand over Eddie's mouth. If he wasn't so afraid of the diseases that were sure to be on Patrick's hand, he definitely would have licked it. Henry slammed Richie against the brick wall of the alley, throwing one last punch that finally knocked Richie unconscious. 

Henry dropped Richie as if he were a sack of potatoes and trudged off, the other's following suit. Eddie had half the mind to punch Patrick in the face when he stroked Eddie's face before letting go, but he knew that the outcome wouldn't be worth the risk of making Patrick mad. Eddie ran over to Richie. As much as he knew he needed immediate help, the sheer sight of Richie all bloodied and beaten up was enough to send Eddie into his second panic attack of the day. His inhaler was still inside the arcade, so he took deep breaths until he could feel his heart rate begin to even out. 

Turning his attention to Richie, there was still no sign of the other boy regaining any consciousness. Eddie knew there was no way he could carry Richie all the way home. He was debating on whether or not he should leave Richie to go get help when Stan came into view. 

"Stan, you have to help me! Please, help me, I don't know what to do. Please help him, I can't carry him on my own, please Stan!" 

Stan looked at the scene before him in shock. He had scene Henry and his goons walking away from the alley when he was heading back from birdwatching and saw blood on Henry and Belch and decided he should see if anyone needed help. Stan was horrified that if he kept on walking, Richie... who knows what would have happened to him. 

"Eddie, okay, calm down. You're fine, Richie's going to be fine. It's alright, I've got you. I'd take the time to calm you down, but Richie looks as good as dead so we need to get him home." 

Stan took one arm and waited for Eddie to do the other. They both put one arm around their shoulders, equally distributing the weight between them. They decided to leave their bikes until they knew Richie was going to be fine. Even though Stan's house was closest, it was common knowledge that Richie's parents were never home; each of the Loser's knowing different sides of the same story, so they decided on his to avoid any questions from parents. 

The walk was slow, and neither of two commented on how easy it was to carry such a tall guy. Stan held Richie as Eddie opened the front door and made his way to the bathroom where he knew Richie kept medical supplies. Eddie assured Stan that he would be fine to patch Richie up as he was incredibly experienced with what to do from countless pamphlets and educational home videos his mom forced into him. 

Richie was on the toilet seat, head flopped to the side while Eddie reached into the secret compartment in the back of the cupboard. As he was pulling the red bag out, he heard Richie whine in pain. 

"Oh, fuck, where am I?" Eddie realised they had discarded Richie's glasses and left them in the alley, the screen too cracked to ever be more help than a bother. 

"Rich, thank god. It's me, Eds." Eddie refrained from hugging him as he know how much pain Richie was in and that it would only hurt him more, so he settled on rubbing his hands against Richie's knee.

Richie thought about making a joke of the situation, but decided that was wasted breath, and even breathing was hard enough, let alone talking. "Well, I'd insist that I clean myself up, but seeing as I can't, well, see, I think it might be better if you do that."

Eddie decided to take the joke route, "Are you sure that's not just an excuse to get me near you and touching your face?" Richie wheezed a laugh, but began to cough and hold his chest while his face screamed that he was in immense pain. 

"Shit, Eds, don't make me laugh. Besides, I should be the one making you laugh. I'm sorry you have to see me like this," Richie mumbled, still loopy from the beating and pain.

"Richie, it's not your fault. None of this is, you have nothing to feel sorry for. Now come on, would start with your face but Henry and Belch really let it out on your ribs. Don't turn this into a joke when I tell you to lift your shirt up," Richie's demeanour instantly shifted, like a switch had been flipped and now all Eddie had was a horrified looking Richie.

"No! No, please, Eds. I can still see slightly, I'll be fine. I can do it myself," He stood up, ignoring the pain he felt everywhere in his body and started to push Eddie out of the door. "Listen, thanks for all your help but I'm good now! Honest. So go on then, hop along, see you at school tomorrow, have a nice day." 

Eddie was too stunned to push back against Richie until he saw the door closing on him. He jutted out a hand to push back against Richie, which wasn't hard considering his physical state. "Richie, why won't you just let me help you? You know I can do all of this, and you will barely be able to reach your back. Why are you pushing me away?" Richie tried his best to act nonchalant in the hopes that it would make Eddie made and storm off, allowing Richie to go another day without anyone seeing how truly disgusting he was. 

"Because I don't need you, Eddie. Now go," Eddie felt the words hit directly into his heart. It wasn't even the fact that Richie said he didn't need him, but the use of 'Eddie' made him feel as if he really fucked up somehow. Richie never used his name unless he was really pissed. 

"No," Eddie crossed his arms and stuck his foot in the doorway to prevent Richie closing it on him for the second time. He looked taken aback, as if he wasn't expecting Eddie to actually stay.

"No? What, I tell you I don't need you and close a door in your face, and you still stay? You're either stupidly stubborn or annoyingly ignorant. Now please just go away before I get mad," Richie huffed, and as much as it hurt him to be mean to Eddie, he knew that there was no way Eddie was seeing Richie without a shirt on. Never happening. 

"I think that you don't mean what you're saying, and that you're only pushing me away because you're scared of letting other people in and helping you because no one's ever stayed when you told them to go. Am I right?" Why was Eddie making this so hard?

"Eddie. Go away, I mean it. And no, you're wrong. So please, go analyse someone else and let me fix myself in peace."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Fuck, you're so difficult. Why won't you just go?!" Richie couldn't understand how Eddie wasn't ten feet out the door by now, ranting to himself about how much of a dick Richie was. 

"Because I care too much about you to let yourself keep doing everything alone when I know I can be there to help you. Don't you get it? I don't care whether you're done with me, or mad at me for something I did, or don't want to be around me anymore but you're the most important person in my life and I will not stand by and let you take everything on by yourself if I can help lighten that load," Richie was near tears, and it actually broke his heart to do what he had to next.

"Fuck off, Eddie," Richie shoved Eddie so that he could slam the door closed before Eddie could register what happened. Eddie was absolutely livid. How the fuck could Richie just push him away like that, like he was nothing? Richie wouldn't do that if something else was going on. As much as Eddie wanted to storm out and never come back, he always kept his word. He slumped down onto the floor, head leaning against the plaster walls that separated him from being able to comfort Richie, who had taken the same position on the other side of the door.

He felt completely useless as he heard Richie's sobs echoing around the cramped bathroom walls. Eddie wanted desperately to be in there with him, to help him, but he respected that Richie needed to be alone for whatever reason. The least he could do was wait for Richie to come back out and be there for him then. Time couldn't pass slowly enough.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter nine! Song is not mine btw. 
> 
> Trigger warning: F-slur

"Hey guys, did you hear that there's a new kid coming in today?" Bev asked, walking up to the group who were crowded around Richie's locker. 

"Oh yeah, I heard her name's Heather. I hope she's hot, every girl at this school sucks ass. Except for you, Bev, you're a hot piece of ass, but I know your heart is set on Haystack," Richie punched Ben's shoulder, and Eddie couldn't help but compare the colour of his cheeks to the bright red of his gym shorts.

"Shut the fuck up, Richie. It's not like she'd ever go for you, anyways. You're sixteen and you still wear those stupid fucking Hawaiian shirts," Bev snorted, and Richie crossed his arms in fake irritation.

"I bet you that I'll have her sitting with us in a week, and I'll be dating her by the end of the month. If I win, you are never allowed to use 'beep beep' again. If you win, you get to put me in whatever outfits you want for a whole month, seeing as how invested you are in my choice in wardrobe," Richie stuck out his hand, and Bev shook it without hesitation.

"You guys are so fucking stupid. This poor girl hasn't even been here a day and you're already making bets about her. It's fucking disgusting, she's not a piece of meat," Eddie rolled his eyes, and tried to think of anything other than the uncomfortable feeling that was growing in his chest. 

"Lighten up, Spaghetti! I respect women, don't I, Bev?" Richie pleaded with his eyes to make her go along with it, but to no avail.

"Sorry, Rich, I gotta go with Eddie on this one. I'm only agreeing because it repulses me to have to look at you day to day in those frankly hideous fucking clothes."

"Sorry, I think you guys are standing in front of my locker," All seven heads turned towards the voice. They had concluded that this must have been Heather, looking far too innocent to have been a regular in Derry. The Loser's found themselves not really thinking much of her, except for Richie. She had the most beautiful face in his eyes- big brown eyes, slightly tanned skin with a constellation of freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose. She was almost the female version of Eddie, but Richie refused to acknowledge the resemblance between them. 

"Ah, so sorry about that m'lady. C'mon, ladies and gents, make way for this stunning young lady," Richie inwardly cringed at the British accent that came out, however was met with a giggle of uncertain laughter from the new girl. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was in England. Say, how close are you with the Queen? Personally, I have tea and crumpets once a week, but I'm welcome anytime. She's never mentioned a lanky, awkward teen boy, so I assume you're not that close." 

Richie was dumbfounded. No one had ever willingly reciprocated his antics without at least a week of getting used to him. While the others would often joke around with him and occasionally egg him on, it was only after they'd gotten comfortable with him. Eddie couldn't help but get jealous over the mesmerised look on Richie's face, as if Heather's presence was suddenly the best thing in the world. He knew that it was unfair of him to assume Richie was only joking, but he found himself getting increasingly worried as Richie seemed to be crushing harder every second.

"Ah, she's frequently mentioned you. The queen has often brought you up. She often pokes fun of the fact that someone who's as beautiful as yourself would never go for someone like me... a fact which I am now only just getting. Oh, how my heart is truly broken. Only a true love's kiss can squander this utter anguish," Beverly decided not to comment on how infuriated Eddie looked at the whole scene, and rather chose to be amazed at the fact someone had reciprocated Richie's humour. It was clear to Bev what the constant bickering and fighting was really about with the two boys, but she didn't think that either one of them understood the way they felt. 

"Oh, that's a real shame, but I'm afraid that if you don't haul your ass out of the way, you're going to make me late. Considering you seem so... infatuated, I doubt it would bode well for you in the future," Richie bowed before stepping aside, and looked to find Eddie to annoy him next. Eddie looked hurt as the two faced each other, but before Richie could ask what was wrong the bell interrupted, disbanding the Loser's as everyone made their way to their respective lockers. 

Bev and Eddie went to their English class without exchanging any words. Bev could sense that Eddie didn't want to talk, and she respected that. It didn't stop her from wondering throughout the entire first pf their double period as to why e was so mad over everything. "Eddie, why are you being all bitchy?"

"I'm not, Bev. I'm just tired. Couldn't sleep last night," Eddie shrugged, raising his eyebrows which confirmed to Bev that he was lying through his teeth. 

"Cut the bullshit, Eddie. I know when you're lying, so just tell me. Come on, it can't be that bad," he seemed to shrink into himself, and only then did Bev realise it might actually have been something serious. "Eddie?"

"It's nothing, Bev. I just don't trust anyone who can so easily go along with Richie's bullshit, okay? Leave it, please,"

It was the please that made Beverly let it go, knowing that if Eddie wanted to talk about he would and that forcing him would only make him keep his mouth shut for good. 

For Eddie, the rest of the class was spent over-analysing the interaction that he had witnessed between Richie and Heather. It made him feel sick knowing that there was a person who would actually go along with Richie's jokes. Surely he wouldn't replace me? I mean, we've only known each other for a year, but we're close, right? But maybe they'll get together, and then Richie will spend all of his time with her. Why does that make me feel angry?

"Eddie, babe, time to go to second period. Hurry up," Eddie jerked as if he'd been woken up and dazedly grabbed his things, following Bev out of the classroom. Unfortunately for him, that meant math with Richie, where there was no doubt he would make some stupid comment about Eddie being jealous of Heather and make him flip. Eddie himself didn't understand why he was feeling so protective over Richie. It's not like he had a crush, because Richie was a boy. He didn't like boys. He couldn't.

Slumping into his seat in the back, Eddie put his head in his hands and waited for Richie to arrive. He peeked over his arms when he heard Richie's telltale laugh, but froze when he saw Richie's arm draped over Heather's shoulders, guiding her to the back. Eddie stood up to give them room to sit together, not wanting to have to sit next to Heather. Richie shot him a look, which he pointedly ignored. 

Throughout the entire period, Richie would often look over at Eddie, who refused to return the favour and busied himself with copying and solving the equations written on the board. He wasn't the best at math, but he managed to get by if he thought about a problem hard enough. Richie usually helped him, but that no longer seemed like an option with Heather there.

It was hard to focus on the work with constant giggling and obvious flirting making it impossible to concentrate. Eddie was sure he was about to snap at the pair of them when the bell rang, allowing Eddie to slip off into his free period. He could hear Richie calling after him, and he knew it was childish and stupid to ignore him, but he couldn't help but feel mad for no reason. He felt guilty afterwards, and wished he had just pretended like it wasn't bothering him, but repressing feelings was something Eddie didn't now how to do very well. 

He made his way to the music room and picked up a guitar. He had picked it up last year, and been practicing every chance he got during school, seeing as he was too broke to afford one himself to play in his room. Knowing his mother, though, she would confiscate it and declare it a hazard and a distraction from his academics, so it was safer to just use the ones at school. At first, the chords were often wrong, and most of the time when he strummed it didn't sound exactly right, but he got the hang of it thanks to some help from the resident guitar teacher who lent Eddie some chord sheets and songs to practice with. 

After a year of constant playing, he knew all the basic chords and could play along with most songs he had the sheet music for. Sometimes he would write his own songs, but they were mostly for fun and something just for Eddie to keep to himself. Sometimes he would sing along with the songs he played, and although he didn't have the most amazing voice, Eddie could admit that he was improving as time went on. Music became a crutch for him. It helped him feel calm and took his mind off of the constant thinking and worrying he did on the daily. It felt like his own little secret, and if anyone found out about it it would take some of the fun out of it.Thankfully none of the other Loser's had any free periods the same time as him, so it was unlikely they would ever find out.

"Eddie, bay-bee, whatcha up to?" Eddie nearly dropped the guitar out of sheer surprise, and placed a hand on his heart out of instinct.

"Richie," Eddie smacked him, "why the fuck did you sneak up on me like that?"

"I didn't mean to, I swear! I just heard someone playing and I wanted to see who it was. Had no clue it would have been you, though. Since when have you played guitar? This is definitely something I should have known about," Richie clicked his tongue in disappointment, but Eddie was still slightly mortified and unable to speak.

"Hey, why are you here anyways? You don't have a free period right now," Eddie narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 

"Ah, well, you see, y little baby Eddie Spaghetti stormed off all grumpy and I just couldn't let him be miserable alone, now could I? I've been looking for you everywhere. Guess it's just fate I happened to hear you play, huh?" He cheekily grinned, and Eddie shoo his head.

"You shouldn't miss class for me just because I'm in a mood," Eddie punched Richie on the arm, not wanting to think about how Richie literally skipped his favourite class- English- to look for him. Even though Eddie was still pissed about the flirting, he couldn't help but forgive Richie. Those damn, big, puppy dog eyes got him every time, and Richie didn't even know the effect it had on him. 

"C'mon, Eds, of course I'd skip class for you. You really think I want to be sitting in Science right now, worrying over whether or not Bower's somehow found you because you're too distracted to remember to hide?"

"What, you were actually worry about me? I thought you would have been too busy drooling over Heather," Eddie knew it was a cheap shot, but he was never good with controlling his anger, and the words just came out, often clashing with Richie who had the same problem. 

"Why are you so mad about it? She's hot, of course I'm gonna go 'teenage boy mode'. That's how being a boy works, Eds. Sorry that you're just a late bloomer."

"What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? You know I've had crushes before... plenty of times. I like girls. A lot. I just don't understand what the big deal is about Heather." 

"Eddie, you only ever mention that you have a crush on a girl when you're asked about it in truth or dare. You never tell me when it's just us. It just seems suspicious to me. Plus, every time you say a girl's name, I never even see you looking at them at school, or talking about them to the other Losers." Eddie didn't really know what Richie was implying, but what made Eddie livid was that Richie was right. He'd never had an actual crush on girl, or really found one attractive, Sure, he could appreciate the beauty of some of the pretty girls in school, but he never wanted to date one.

"What the fuck are you trying to say?" Eddie's tone was cold, and it was one that Richie had never heard used on him before. He swallowed, before relying. 

"I just don't think that you like girls that way." Eddie's breathing came in short bursts, his heart rate sped up until he could have sworn it was continuously beating, and he could feel his hands getting clammy even though the room was nearly freezing. "Woah, Eds, are you okay?"

Richie reached out to place a hand on Eddie's shoulder, but it was firmly knocked off. "Fuck you! Of course I like girls. I'm not a fucking faggot, Richie. Just because I'm not overly obsessed with girls like you are, doesn't mean I'm fucking gay. God, I can't believe you sometimes. Just leave me the fuck alone!" He pointed to the door, gesturing for Richie to get out. 

At first, he didn't move, but when he saw the tears in Eddie's eyes he started walking, but in the wrong direction. Eddie tried to force himself out of Richie's arms, but he wasn't letting go. "Richie, fucking let go of me. I don't want you here." When Richie still held on, Eddie punched him in the thigh, the only place he could reach, and instantly regretted it when Richie cried out in pain. 

"Fine, I'll fucking go. Bye, Eddie," Eddie watched as he slammed the door shut, sinking to the floor. He felt bad, but Richie insinuating that he was gay pushed him over the edge of control. He was slowly coming to his senses, and only then did he remember that his punches really weren't strong, so it didn't make sense why it hurt Richie so much. 

He could hear the next bell ringing, but he didn't have the energy to get up. Thinking of what his mother would do if she found out Eddie skipped almost gave him the encouragement, but his body refused to move. Looking to the side, he found his guitar which he put down after Richie nearly made him drop it. 

A melody came to his head, and he started strumming out chords until he had a progression which he liked the sound of. He needed lyrics, and the day's events seemed like enough to get a good song out of. By then, he had enough energy to get up, but only to his bag on the other side of the room which contained his songwriting notebook. After a couple of minutes, he had a couple of lines, and he wanted to try and sing it. 

"I still remember, third of December. Me in you sweater, you said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew, how much I liked you." His voice was shaky with emotion, confessing something he didn't fully understand.


End file.
